I kind of want to unpack this. Why it is ok to love myself, and like my autism, even though it causes me a lot of trouble every day. https://twitter.com/krisandjoeshow/status/1307549202520723456

People think that autism advocates are some kind of rare species of autistic person who doesn’t suffer from challenges and deficits. That isn’t usually the case. Many autistic advocate are nonspeaking and need one on one help.

For a good list of resources by autistic advocates check out this tweet: https://twitter.com/ekverstania/status/1224007501445726209

I am speaking. So I have that privilege. But I am also disabled by my autism. I need caregivers to help me cook and clean because I simply cannot care for myself properly. I need technology to manage my schedule. I need friends to be forgiving.

My life is actively made more difficult in a multitude of tiny ways because I do not systematize well (unlike many other autistic people), I have to actively emote when communicating so that every conversation I have is a song-and-dance performance as if I were on the stage.

I get disoriented easily. I have poor motor coordination. I have poor muscle tone. I can not multitask. I don’t pick up on facial expressions or non verbal language easily. I struggle with social interaction in situations where I don’t have a script to follow.

Those who follow me have sometimes been entertained by my attempts to cook. This was a memorable one, from lockdown when my caregiver friends couldn’t come over.

So with all of that... is it okay to like myself? Because (except for some very dark times when I have felt rejected by workplaces and peers and felt despair) I do.

Am I obligated to dislike myself and want to make my autism “extinct”? Is it wrong that I want my children to have things in common with me and see the world the way I do?

My kids are not autistic, they have ADHD, and I find it really trying. They don’t focus on things like I do. They can’t follow through with simple tasks. They don’t sit quietly and study their interests like I did. Is it wrong that I like those things about myself?

I am a good concentrator. I focus on a task and focus utterly. I am hyperlexic and read at an early age. These are due to autism. Should I hate that about myself? Is it pathological that I love the way I experience words?

I am an award winning author BECAUSE of the way I see the world, because of the way I have lived and breathed words from infancy, because of the way I have thought and study and focused on the things I think and focus on. Am I supposed to hate that about myself?

If you take away my autism, you will never see Biology, because the person who wrote Chemistry and History needs to write Biology too. So I bet my readers would like me to keep my autism. Do they want Stella and Howie to be extinct?

My books discuss neurodiversity and discuss the ways we can love someone not only despite their differences but because of them. Stella learns that she loves Howie not despite his zombie-ness but also because of it. It is part of who he is. (A big part of Biology by the way!)

If Howie were to learn to love all of himself, zombie virus and all, would that be pathological? Is it wrong that, given the choice, Stella would rather be not be cured (and yes this will come up...)

My stim blanket is threadbare. So worn out that you can see through the material, so thin that it has gaping holes. But I love it. I love it as it is, and if I could make it perfect, I would change nothing. My love for that blanket, the comfort it brings me, is part of my autism.

If removing my autism would make my Maui ribs better, but took away my ability to sink into a story like a whale into the ocean, I would say no thank you. If removing my autism means making me see my stim blanket as a worn out piece of garbage, I’ll keep both thanks.

No true quality of love depends on perfection. It is our imperfections which make us unique. Dolls coming off an assembly line are all the same. How do you tell yours from all the others? By its imperfections.

Does my autism make me imperfect? Yes. But am I MORE imperfect than other human beings? I don’t think so. I am wiser than many neurotypical people. I think more than many people. I experience the world in a way which is unique to me, because every one of us does.

I can want TREATMENT for the things which challenge me and still like myself as I am. I would love to have a treatment that increased my number of useable hours, that muffled the pain off too many spoken words bouncing off my brain.

I want treatment for the many autistic people who have apraxia so they can find it easier to communicate and control their bodies, since many of them Ido Kedar included place a strong emphasis on this.

I want accommodations and acceptance and help and all those things. I would love to lessen my challenges and make my self more accessible to my loved ones.

But the assumption that autism is 100% misery and gloom is wrong. Autism can bring many joys, too. The sensory heaven of a good stim - not many autistic folk would give that up voluntarily.

When we say we don't want our autism cured, we don't mean we love being autistic. We mean that autism is a mixed bag of joy and pain and we'd rather remain ourselves and have our quality of life improved than be prevented from being born, or have our brains totally rewired.

Ultimately let me ask you this - if you have two people, and one person is willing to go through plastic surgery on their BRAIN to fix their faults, and another person wants to stay themselves, warts and all... which one of those people seems more pathological?

The things I hate most about myself are all attributable to my autism but... the things people love best about me are also attributable to my autism. And the people who love me love all of me. So I think I should too.