rating all the dudes i have on my feh account while only knowing their names and nothing else about them, a thread

I’m not doing the girls because we don’t put successful women against each other

ANYWAY

ohhh this is a fancy lad. love the boa, really digging the scarf cravat thing, looks like he raided backstage of an extremely wealthy private school’s drama theater. 8/10

ok I do know this one. this is Ike. I like Ike! Ike is good. 9/10

when you can’t decide between playing a paladin or playing a cleric solely based on outfits so you mash the two together. 6/10

this is Ike again, but beefier, so that can only improve the base ike score. 9.5/10

oh a fancy Ike! I fail to see how this constitutes an armor unit but I guess the weight of his Fanciness slows him down. Still, it’s Ike. 9/10

this is one of the main romance options in a heavily advertised iPhone otome game that turns out to be spyware. still dig the cravat though. worth the virus. 7/10

I get that the mask is supposed to disguise your identity but if you’re trying to do that dude is recommend maybe not going so damn hard on the outfit. not many nondescript anonymous peasants going around in Dracula’s date night fit. 8/10

oh! a fresh looking lad. probably a master of ice magic, right? love the trident, really makes the vaguely aquaman look work. 7/10

how does one manage to have a bowl cut, a mullet, a ponytail, a wig made from hair torn off of a yu gi oh protagonist’s scalp and sideburns straight outta the 1800s at the same time. so much is happening. 5/10

this is a cosplayer who decided to do the outfit from the one beach episode of their 2nd favorite anime but regretted it when it started raining at the con, which they knew would happen but powered on with the cosplay anyway since the other 5 weren’t finished. 4/10

this is a fine lad. he looks approachable and friendly and I enjoy his :3 smile. 9/10

I’d say you’re scaring the hoes with that darkness but I know some monsterfuckers on here are REALLY into the whole tail and ears thing you got going on. 6/10

look at this dude. look at this lil beatles bowlcut boots boy. he gets bullied by the pack of fellow 13 year olds that terrorizes jon mulaney. 3/10

wait this is the guy again but with a sword. what was wrong with the book? you looked smarter with it. 4/10

this is beatles boy’s dad who used to be a peace on earth love man hippie but sold his soul to capitalism in his 30s and now makes six figures in like, campaign finance. 2/10

also these aren’t hotness rankings these are vibe checks. FYI.

capitalist dad but he dressed up as part of an Easter event to appeal to the donors. 3/10

OOOOH a SEXY design. He somehow turned a forever 21 bag with a fringe into an appealing outfit. props! 8/10

Lon’qu! felix, but with anxiety and a better sense of where to apply faux fur on his outfit. love this guy. 10/10

Alphonse! I like the little hair fwippy you got going there, but shame you had to match it on your shoes since now you’re just looking like a clown. 5/10

wait didn’t I already rate this guy. isn’t this also the blue ice man guy. 4/10 for maybe also being ice man guy

BRO THE DARKNESS BRO THE HOES but that still doesn’t change the Ike rating so 9/10

this man pulled me aside at a Wendy’s to tell me to vote correctly and I wasn’t able to tell if he meant that in like a threatening conservative way or not. 3/10

STOP STARING AT ME WITH THEM BIG OL EYES. LEGIT CREEPY. 1/10

this is a sexy design but I think he fled the pages of berserk to join a franchise with slightly less cosmic horror. 7/10

I like this one. I like his glove that covers two of his fingers not just because it’s logical for a bow but also because he looks like the kind of guy who would refuse to finger you without gloves on. 9/10

this guy looks like whatyou’d get if you told a learning AI to make a fire emblem prince for you. if he’s not a prince I’ll pay everyone who follows me $5 maybe. 5/10

Felix, but sluttier. he says he has a price. my wallet is open. 10/10

marth! he’s one of my favorite characters from super smash brothers. I like his friendship with meta knight. shame he wasn’t in any more games. 7/10

this is marth but in jeggings and his yoga group convinced him to grow out his hair. 4/10

my boy! my boy has tiny legs! look at how tiny those legs are! I actually can not see anything but the tiny legs! the tiny legs are weirding me out! 4/10!

this man looks like a foot and stole his belt from the kind of woman who decks out her entire car in hot pink tiger print. 2/10

I’m not doing 3h characters because come on

with how he’s standing he looks like he’s super high school level medieval reenactor in a killing game and now I want a danganronpa game but with just all the fire emblem lords. 5/10 and I think claude would probably win that.

oh this is monster darkness hoe scaring dude but got a vibe check at Claire’s and so got rid of all the emo shit. I do not like that he is barefoot. for what purpose. 3/10

I can hear the McElroys describing this one as a burly bashy boy in their voices in my head and that makes me smile. 7/10

sir your leg. your leg, it’s broken. I think the stress caused by the weight of his shirt broke his leg. king wear lighter clothing. 6/10

another berserk refugee but this ones the king that’s out to blood sacrifice the other berserk guy to summon the demon lord Griffith and I’ve never read berserk. 7/10

sylvain you can’t get more women by changing outfits and going by a new name. it’s your personality and multiple callout posts king. 4/10

OH! hello mr. castlevania. grew his hair out so it could billow ominously in the wind along with his cape. I trust his life choices. 9/10

this is the villain in a merchandise-driven magical girl show intended for children. plans to take over the world by destroying it. 3/10

WHATCHA BUYIN, STRANGER. HEH HEH. THANK YOU.

6/10

this guy looks like if they took edelgard’s flame emperor armor and made a sexy gijinka of it. 9/10

who’s lost child is this? why are we sending small lost children to war? are we monsters? Horror/10

see this is how you make a bowlcut cute. a cute little guy. fluffy. 7/10

this is the starting NPC in a poorly managed and launched mmo that everyone gets the first quest from but they all have to line up to meet him and his general friendliness in the wake of the chaos around the launch turns him into a meme. half the fan base hates him. I don’t. 8/10

awww go little dude go! disregarding the horror of sending children to war without so much as proper armor you can make it little guy!!!! 5/10

nyeheheheh hey lois remember when I was in a fire emblem game? 3/10

I feel like I’m looking at this guy through the glasses they make you wear when you enter the emerald city of oz and when i take them off he’ll look like foot face tiger guy. 6/10

wait this is the last guy. how many green guys are there in this game? it’s straight up like the claw machine from toy story in here. 4/10

I feel like I’ve seen this man before but I just can’t put my finger on it. 8/10

personally I love the little accents of fluffy sheep wool to the goth armor he’s got going on. he kind of has a sheep vibe in general. probably very soft on the inside. 8/10

honestly you dudes should just start a green man group and compete with the blue one. also I have to wonder how armor on the side of your thighs is going to protect you when your opponent could just stab you in the dick. 6/10

A green man..... not dressed in green? revolutionary. the rest of the group threw bleach in his hair as punishment to disavow his greenness. probably too high to even notice. 8/10

I do not like this one. He looks like the creepy motherfuck from fate. the bulgy eyes one. probably hangs out in abandoned parking lots for fun. 2/10

this is a perfectly serviceable design and this is definitely the guy that loses his smiley sweet facade to stab you in the back in chapter 7

a mythical creature.... the dad bod cat boy..... legendary...... I have to respect him..... 10/10

The new actor playing the protagonist of the 10th pirates of the caribbean that has to deal with a cast that’s gotten together and collectively given up. 5/10, the Oscar is a distant dream

THERE ARE TOO MANY GUYS IN THIS GAME WHY ARE THERE SO MANY GUYS IM JOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH MY GUYS

kaworu knowing these games you’re still going to get your head lopped off. trying to escape isn’t going to work. 6/10

DIO BRANDO???

DIO BRANDO STARDUST CRUSADERS????

MUDA/10