Did I just spend the last hour looking at plethora of fake ancient Egyptian coffin eyes for sale online? Yes, yes I did. And it was a ride, my friends. Come along with me...

I got started with these babies. $3k! https://twitter.com/artcrimeprof/status/1307318527519461376?s=20

But there are so, so many more. This seller has been flogging lots of five (five?!?) eyes for years. Did they loot the tomb of an ancient ophthalmologist?

Speaking of ancient ophthalmologist, these eyes should get to one. Also, the seller claims they once were in the @mfaboston (attn @Victoria_S_Reed!). Also, these are not a pair.

Most of these eyes are pretty bad, but then there's just baaad. I see golf clubs and jam cookies here.

I'm pretty fond of these ancient Egyptian googly eyes here. (Also: nice date range, from 600-30 BC).

Some of the eyes look rightly pissed to be dragged into the sales of such obvious fakes.

Other eyes are going to get kicked right out of high school if they don't shape up and quit it with the goofy grass, you hear me young man?

And my favorites for last! Who looks at things that have supposedly survived for 2,500 years and thinks "let's make a minimalist bobblehead from these bastards"?!?! And the eye stalks... just, no. No no no no.