Was thinking this morning about how I ran a poll here & on DA to see if any of my followers had a crush on me as a joke & at least three people from there & here said "Yes". And this was excluding the usual suspects who I KNOW do.

But my insecurities are enough that while I did have the initial, "Oh wow, cool!" reaction my immediate follow up was, "But why though?"

Seriously even with plenty of evidence to the contrary there's still that part of me that can't accept people find me attractive.

Especially if it's someone who doesn't know me that well. I've accepted I'm charming enough that if someone talks to me they can, and have on three occasions, develop a crush and/or romantic feelings for me.

But it still feels weird to me that someone could see a pic of me on here & find me physically attractive.

Especially since, if I'm being totally honest, I feel like that's why I don't have a local relationship. Cause I just can't see someone here seeing me & finding me attractive enough to want to ask me out.

Like I get why people find EG Blackbird attractive cause he has definitely developed in to the anime pretty boy trope but me? Myself? I'm still stuck on the idea I'm the ugly troll most people in high school called me.

I'm starting to move past that but...I still stumble

Hence this whole thread here.

Plus, I am honestly if the people who said they have a crush on me is based just on my appearance or also my personality. That part I could get.

Just be nice to be able to talk to one of them about it.

But if any of those people are reading this thread, I am very flattered and thank you.