1. Before you render that help, be sure that it is needed. Before you become a 'mafilomindasi' into other people's lives, be sure they asked you for that advice. Before you say, "after all I did for you" when they become toxic and ungrateful, be sure you were not doing some form

2. of emotional masturbation for yourself with that help you're rendering. Be very certain you're doing it for all the right reasons before you wear the cloak of the messiah. It can really hurt when you're giving your all and u get stabbed in the back simply cos you offered help.

3. Don't invest your emotions into people that don't appreciate you one bit. And when you're giving in relationships, be sure that you never ever forget yourself.

We had a help once who is still the best I've ever had. I always have help around me and I look at people that do

4. it all themselves (especially by choice) with a profound level of respect. I 'fitn't' fit. Khadijah was actually my mum's help who was later sent to me in Lagos when my help suddenly left. We had asked her what she wanted and she said she wanted to learn sewing. But she warned

5. us before starting that she's not so smart so we should bear with her if it takes too long. She also told us no matter what, she's going back home to her family to marry her betrothed. I couldn't understand it, but we respected her decision. By the time we had to pay for the

6. third trainer, I understood what she meant by not being smart.
Khadijah organized my life! By the time I'm ready for work at 6.30am, my food is packed, my ice is crushed in my flask (I used to chew ice when I was pregnant with my second child - pica) and my son is almost

7. ready for school. I leave her to do what makes her happy, like watching Zee World into the night. "Khadijah, won't you go and sleep?".. "Mummy Bilaal, is it not for me to do my chores? Don't let me watch TV again if you find me wanting."

When I was robbed on Eko bridge,

8. I got home crying from the trauma. Not because of what they took, but that robbery reminded me of something in my life that happened eons ago, so it caused remarkable anxiety. Khadijah came to sleep in my room that night to keep me company. That girl didn't sleep. Each time I

9. wake up from a nightmare, she's right there beside me consoling me. I had to send her back to her room when she couldn't sleep. At least, let one of us have a good night's sleep.

I asked her if I should introduce her to a nice man to marry. She insisted that she would marry

10. her betrothed. When I complained about the long time she was taking to learn her sewing, she told me, "Mummy Bilaal, mo ti so fun yin pe in mowe. Edakun, e mo jio su yin. E se suuru pelu mi" (Mummy Bilaal, I've told you I'm not smart. Please don't get tired.

11. Just be patient with me).
She finally learnt and we bought her a very good machine when she finished so she could practise in the house. When Khadijah was leaving, she left with three boxes of goodies and lots of extra cash.

12. I was crying and even my husband was emotional. She served us well and in turn, we treated her like a sister. We scolded her when necessary (I don't want my sister to go astray) and we did not try to make her reality ours by insisting on the help she did not ask for

13. (like asking her to go to school against her will). Till now, I've not had anyone like her. To be fair, I think I measure most help with her...and boy, do they fall short!
Before you render that help (I'm not talking about being helpful generally), be sure they need it.

14. Before you give that advice (especially when it comes to couples)....be very certain they're asking you for it. Before you put your heart and emotions on the line, be sure they're worth it.
P.S...you're not under any obligation to send a help to school or to learn a trade

15. if they're with you once you're paying them the agreed wages and you treat them right. It is good, but not compulsory. Treat them kindly and fairly. If you see that they're becoming unnecessarily difficult,

16. please let them go rather than ill treat them. Nobody is indispensable.

A ni s'oore se o. Amin.