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I would like to share some wisdom with you all they taught us in therapy. Mainly to do with your relationships. Here we go. Relationships through a therapy lens (a thread)
According to my former therapists a lot of the reasons our relationships fail are down to a person& #39;s history, their expectations of the relationship, lack of communication and different love languages (regarding how one shows affection / appreciation for their friend or partner).
This becomes more complex when you throw trauma and mental illness into the equation. Particularly if this only affects one party or affects both parties in differing ways.
One relationship I was in we showed our affection in different ways. He talked I acted. For me actions speak louder than words so I could never understand why he failed to follow through on his wonderful promises of effort. They never materialised.
If both parties have trauma and are triggered by opposing things unless the communication is strong, navigating any conversation often feels like a minefield. Which poses lots of obstacles.
Expectations are a big killer too. If one person expects you to be on the ball and prioritise them all the time it may be unrealistic. We cannot put effort in if we are unable to give it.
Sometimes people act as though they are entitled to your time. You can give as much or as little in relationships as you decide. What you shouldn& #39;t do is let someone dictate that for you. After all you are the priority here.
You cannot drop everything for other people all the time. It is not realistic or healthy. In order to be a good friend or partner you must first hone being good to yourself. Or you will be inconsistent (much like me lol)
Avoid people who make you question yourself, try to manipulate you, have unrealistic expectations of what they want or make you feel like nothing you do is good enough.
Relationships are not always equally give and take as no one is on the ball all the time. Sometimes they might not me sometimes you might not. But the main thing is you make enough effort so you both know you want to be there.
I have been on both sides of this sometimes I& #39;ve demanded more unfairly, other times I simply haven& #39;t put the effort in. I& #39;m famously known for being a bit all over the place which a lot of people cannot deal with, which is completely FINE.
The point is there are some people you can never please no matter how hard you try. Sometimes you may not be compatible in terms of effort. I once had a friend who expected me to drop everything for her but would never do it for me.
I had another friend who treated me more like her boyfriend than her friend and a boyfriend who did the opposite. Friendships aren& #39;t meant to be super hard. They& #39;re meant to be fun. Notice how you feel after seeing /interacting with someone.
Remember that people will have expectations of you. Sometimes you won& #39;t meet them. And that& #39;s ok. They are entitled to their standards. You are allowed to prioritise yourself. Sometimes relationships don& #39;t work out and it& #39;s just one of those things.
All everyone is trying to do is find people on their wavelength. Not everyone is looking for the same thing. You& #39;re entitled to walk away from people that make you feel pants about yourself.
As the lovely @Kintsugi_girl shared with me this morning:
