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It's Alzheimer's Awareness day tomorrow. Just over 3 weeks before she died in March, my mother was finally diagnosed with mixed dementia (Alzheimers and vascular). I say finally, because I had to push hard to even get her assessed (thread)
I noticed that she was getting day and night mixed up, was accusing me and others of untrue (minor) things, she had delusions and hallucinations. Dementia isn't just about memory, it's about changes in behaviour, thinking processes and being able to do daily tasks.
She had a couple of hospital admissions where I requested referral to the local memory service. I heard nothing. Eventually, I took mum to the GP. His response? "She remembers me, she knows who you are, she's fine" 
. But on my insistence, he went ahead and made the referral.
. But on my insistence, he went ahead and made the referral.
It took 5 months for mum to be seen, when we were given the diagnosis in February. I knew in my heart but it was still a shock to the system to hear. She struggled to remember basic things that she could've said easily not long before.
Fortunately, mum was unaware what was going on, she was what some would called "happily demented". She forgot who I was once, I can't even begin tell you what that felt like. But I know she was content and luckily was never agitated.
Some family were in straight-up denial, others could see something was wrong. Carers can feel very alone when seeing these changes. The person living with dementia - their world can become small. Mum's did. She was once very outgoing, but then shut herself off from outside.
My late aunt died from vascular dementia. My cousins faced a similar battle with diagnosis and support, and her symptoms and signs were much more severe than my mum's. Mum was very distressed to see the changes in her, so when the consultant broke the news, she didn't even
notice, I realised that things were much more advanced than I thought. By this point, she needed help with almost all her daily activities, but she still seemed content.
If you're a carer for a loved one who has dementia, get the help you're entitled to. Call your local authority for help with social care if you need - mum didn't want outside carers, but the council can help with home adaptations and provide respite if you need it
Alzheimer's is the most common form of dementia. Vascular dementia is more prevalent in Black and Asian populations https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites/default/files/migrate/downloads/appg_2013_bame_report.pdf
This short film highlights some typical signs of dementia
Despite mum's dementia and other health problems, she often said she felt happy, thankfully because she was rarely alone. I'm fortunate that I could do much of my work from home, but in this day and age, many older people just cannot have that 1:1 family care
The Alzheimer's Society @alzheimerssoc website has a lot of helpful information, not just about Alzheimer's, but also other types including vascular, young-onset and frontotemporal dementia: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/types-dementia
The @CarersUK website https://www.carersuk.org has so much helpful information. As soon as you suspect memory changes, please please PLEASE look into sorting out a Power of Attorney, vital for helping look after financial and health affairs.
Check out @CultureDementia website for further support too: https://www.culturedementiauk.org
I only described a fraction of what my mum was dealing with. I miss her greatly and struggle with it daily tbh. But I'm glad I was able to help give her the quality of life she deserved. I'm here to say it was overwhelming at times but there's help and you're not alone.
So if you're living with dementia or are a carer, look into getting benefits, support, home adaptations, respite and take care of yourselves (end thread)
