me, falling asleep & then realizing i chase unattainable love b/c i have a deep fear of rejection that i use as justification to build walls around me & deflect & romanticize being a man’s mommy, savior, or nurse instead of being vulnerable & dealing w/ my own issues & trauma:

so much of my romantic identity revolved around being the “pure girl”, the innocent, saintly figure who is also maternal who is also tempting & sensual & having all that projected onto me & accepting it & having it inform my ideas of love at a young age was traumatic as fuck tbh

i was really a teenager thinking i was “healing” & “saving” grown ass men. (& said grown ass men had me believing it, saying they loved me & i “changed” them as they unloaded all their baggage onto me while i was yearning for just a crumb of security & love.) that’s sick.