Christian colleges are weird because they tend to produce lots of lifelong cadres for Christ (and by extension the institutions they experienced him in), but also lots of people who have a very awkward relationship to that institution.

Realized I'm kind of in the latter category but even more extreme than most when I was talking with a prof from my alma mater and they inquired about my time there and I sorta waffled around a bit, but later realized the waffling was from a larger ambivalence about my education

I still to this day identify very strongly with the fact that I studied philosophy in college, but I no longer identify with the part of me that attended that particular institution. That was some other version of myself that I no longer really recognize as me.

I don't hate that I spent my time at a small Xian college; it was the right move at the time, but I have no real desire to go back, reconnect with old profs or even most former classmates (a couple exceptions persist), because the ME that knew them died a couple years ago.

I have no idea where this thread was going. The caffeine is wearing off, and it's too late to try and recaffeinate...Maybe I'll try writing about it later?