This is going to be a long thread so hang in there.

For years, I’ve wondered how the women, some of whom have been in my life the entire existence of The Aunties, still don’t entirely trust....this.
Your love and care for them.
That we, that I, have their back.
1/16

They are convinced that when I die The Aunties stops being a thing.
They worry about “reliance” on me. Don’t like to bother me. Hate asking for anything. I get that bit.
And I’m working hard to ensure they’re ready, if they want to be, to run the whole thing when I’m gone. 2/16

But one of them sent me this post, from She’sNotYourRehab fb page, which was in turn from Jamila White, that laid it all bare. So I want to share that with you. It makes all the sense in the world to me, and has given me words to speak to them abt it. 3/16

These are not my words.
“The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.

Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic.”
4/16

“You needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, + disappointment from those who could not + would not be there for you.
From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working 3 jobs to feed and house you”
5/16

“From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart.

From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave.”
6/16

“From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.

From all the lies and all the betrayals.” 7/16

“You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.

Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE.” 8/16

“You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right?” 9/16

“You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you. #generationaltrauma #ancestraltrauma

Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.

So, you don’t trust anyone.” 10/16

“And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people.

To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable.

“Never again,” you vow.” 11/16

“But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.” 12/16

“Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.

Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.

It’s a trauma response.

The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.” 13/16

“You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.” 14/16

“You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.

You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.

You are worthy.” 15/16

“You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to prove it.
You don’t have to bargain for it.
You don’t have to beg for it.

You are worthy.
Worthy.
Simply because you exist.” 16/16

*Credit: Jamila White. (FB: @inspiredjamila, IG: @inspired.jamila)