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About a week ago was suicide prevention week. At the time I decided not to share my own struggle with it - I try my best to keep my mental health journey private. If you have any triggers to suicidal ideation, depression, or self harm, please be careful reading this. (1/13)
I hope with this thread that I let people know one of the many faces that suffer with mental health, talk openly and frankly about the hardship of it, and finally to open up about it myself really for the first time on social media (2/13)
I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I child (maybe 7 years old?). I came and went with age and the changes of life. At the time I had the support of my mom and brother, and lots or resources to help me cope with my emotions (3/13)
Unfortunately, after coming out in high school as gay, I lost this support system. Friendships dissolved, and my home life became very abusive. I lied to my friends about my home life just to make them less worried about me. I kept everything very close to me (4/13)
I really lost control of my mental health in this years. It& #39;s totally understandable from what I was going through. But this is when my first attempts and ideations started to really manifest. I lost all trust in people around me, and didn& #39;t understand why I was here (5/13)
Desperate for acceptance, I gravitated towards a friend group that was toxic for my wellbeing. I was ignored and teased and any issues I had were written off or taken as a joke. At the time, I just needed some people to hang out with. But it just made my health worse. (6/13)
After a semester of living with said group of friends, coupled with poor grades - I checked myself in to a mental health clinic for help. I was 24, and it was the first time I really decided to go get help for myself. It was the beginning of my upswing. (7/13)
Since then, I cut out those friends in my life and found out I& #39;m much happier being alone then with people who make me feel like shit, built an incredible support system for myself, and have had some of the best years of my life. (8/13)
I have been off and on medication (depending on my insurance), and have also developed practices prioritizing my mental health. I avoid certain foods, I workout, I indulge in an edible. Navigating my mental health with my ambitions is most important to me. (9/13)
Having said that, there are still bad days. There are still moments that shoot me right back to the abuse from my past, and that is still very difficult to navigate. They come out of nowhere, and out of seemingly harmless acts from people who don& #39;t mean it. (10/13)
It& #39;s even difficult to bring it up, as a large stem of my anxiety comes from opening up. So then it just ferments and builds and becomes worse and worse. Until I have what happened this week, where I just lay in bed paralyzed and scared to say or do anything. (11/13)
I know I& #39;ve come a long way, but I know this will be something I will be battling my whole life. And it& #39;s also a lonely struggle. I know a lot of people have the same illness and battle it. But in the end, it& #39;s just me and my emotions and my brain trying to manage this. (12/13)
So with this, I hope this lets people know a little bit more about my struggle with mental health, more specifically my ideations/depression/anxiety. If you are struggling with these, know that I am always here to talk to. Know you are loved, and know that you can do this(13/13)
Oh and lastly, if no one has told you today - I love you. You are amazing, and you are worth being loved <3. (14/13)
