LET THEM PLAY! LET THEM PLAY! LET TH — ooh, wait

“This is the schedule we deserve.” — a friend in a text

October 24: Football is back! Can you feel it? Go-o-o Bi-ig Re-uh-d! Day by day! We get better and better! In the deed the glory!

Ohio State 45, Nebraska 3

Oct. 31: Hosting the University of Wisconsin on Halloween will be a sober, orderly, subdued, non-COVID-superspreading evening in #LNK.

Stinking Badges 31, Shuckers 20.

Nov. 7: Northwestern 29, Nebraska 27.

NW’s points come off nine field goals and a safety, because that sounds about right.

Nov. 14: Penn State 36, Nebraska 18. I don’t know a thing about Penn State other than their coach reminds me of Keegan-Michael Key.

Nov. 21: Nebraska 33, Illinois 30. Moos, declares program “back,” announces contract extensions for the entire coaching staff following an inspiring win over the 0-4 Illini.

Nov. 28: Iowa 24, Nebraska 23 — probably on a last-second field goal at Kinnick again. It’s Nebraska’s best performance of the year, even though NU didn’t show up to the game because they thought it was still being played on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Dec. 5: Purdue 0, Nebraska 0. Canceled due to COVID concerns, probably.

Dec. 12: Minnesota 0, Nebraska 0. Replaced with an online fan vote on who has a more kissable face, Frost or Fleck.

Final record: 1-5 and totally worth it, man.