Read on Twitter
I’ve been trying not to tweet about the news a lot because 1. It’s depressing and overwhelming and 2. I don’t usually feel like I have much good to add.
And I feel guilty for it! I’m worried that my “silence” makes people think I don’t care, or that I think it isn’t
And I feel guilty for it! I’m worried that my “silence” makes people think I don’t care, or that I think it isn’t
important enough, or that I’m willfully ignoring what’s going on. I don’t know if I’m supposed to try to strike a balance with the jokes and memes. I feel like I’m fucking up by not constantly tweeting about all the horrifying news every day, but I read it all.
I read it all the time. I read all the fucking horrifying news, and then I sit with it, because it is often too hard to talk about, or I feel insincere doing so. Even tweeting about this feels insincere. I want concrete things to do, but I am so burnt out every single day, and it
feels like my body is failing me, and even still it feels like I should just be able to push through and Do More. I never feel like I’m doing enough, but I don’t want to just disappear or stay quiet and give up. But again,
I’m constantly physically exhausted. I shouldn’t be in this much pain all the time. And now, with Covid and working 6 days a week with the public and putting my already poor health at risk constantly so I can eat and pay rent and donate even small amounts to mutual aid, it still
feels like nothing will ever be enough, and I’m not going to be the person I want to be, and I’m not going to be able to do the things I want to do in this world. And it’s hard, on days like this, to feel like my tweets about injustices don’t ring hollow.
Sorry for the long, mopey, self-indulgent thread. I genuinely want better for our futures, and especially our present. I am so, so exhausted. And I still feel guilty about it, because there are people with less who are doing more, and it feels disrespectful to not do the same.