1/ A thread on the utter mindfuck that is being a “radical leftist*” while still trying to love and engage friends and family who refuse to examine and rectify their complicity in systemic violence.

*(that term makes me roll my eyes so hard—another rant for another thread)

2/ For those of us who weren’t raised in leftist families, or whose political evolution didn’t match that of our friends, we’re left juggling the complicated feelings of loving our fam but feeling frustrated when they won’t budge from their racist/casteist/capitalist/etc ways.

3/ One of the most traumatic things in navigating these relationships is the gaslighting. Example: When I try to talk to some folks about what is happening in the world, they will often talk to me as if I have an affliction of the heart because I care too much.

4/ They’ll say seemingly admiring things like, “you care so deeply about this world” but it’s laced with a kind of pity; I can just hear the unsaid “you poor sensitive thing” hanging in the air between us.

5/ Once I was trying to talk to a loved one about homophobia towards a child in our family. After I explained the different ways in which this child could be traumatized by their words, she said to me, “your life must be so hard because you care so much.”

6/ It's a particularly insidious form of gaslighting, because it is meant to make me feel loved and cared for (they're just concerned for my wellbeing, right?) while simultaneously making me feel like I’m out of the ordinary, like the “normal” thing to do is to CARE LESS.

7/ I’m left feeling like my source of frustration is ME, because I’M the one that can’t care a NORMAL amount like NORMAL people (where being "normal" is the yardstick for what is morally acceptable in society).

8/ They’re left feeling comfortable in their complicity because they supported me (and by extension, my pursuit for justice) by acknowledging what a good person I am. They've done their good deed for the day and proven that they're actually good people that care The Right Amount.

9/ Think about it: folks will make you feel like you’re abnormal because you CARE TOO MUCH. I mean… What exactly does caring “too much” about being complicit in murder and genocide look like? Asking for a friend. A few friends. All the “apolitical” ones.

10/ So anyway, to all my friends and family fretting over my mental health while the world burns:

Thank you so much for the concern, but I think I care just the right amount. Don’t feel sorry for me because I care, start worrying about why you don’t.