I have illusions about men. My disconnect with them is about me dehumanizing them. In my mind they are strong fearless observant providers. I’m breaking down those beliefs. They get nervous. They get scared. They feel alone. They feel pressure to fit into molds. They’re imperfect

My biggest illusion of a man is that they are always courageous. For my father I figured out he has fears but his drive to provide for his family means everything, his faith in God gives him hope even when he feels sinful and unworthy. He pushes thru despite his fears.

I own any illusions I projected into any of my relationships. Any judgement or criticisms. Anything belittling. I own that I’ve come from a line of strong women but I own I come from a line of mean women. We can be harsh, fierce, sarcastic pushy, demanding, come on strong.

I am not the women from my line. I am me, Alli. I can do it different by owning and taking responsibility for how I think, I act and what I say. I won’t let fear pride blame or doubt get in my way. My flaws aren’t who I am. Who I am is what my heart desires:To respect & love life

That means a lot of apologizing, listening and seeing another’s point of view whether you agree or not and validating that’s the other person’s experience. Seeing yourself thru others eyes. Then really looking at your flaws and accepting it. To change start w/ self forgiveness

“If you look for the light, you can often find it. But if you look for the dark that is all you will ever see.”-Iroh

“Many things that seem threatening in the dark become welcoming when we shine a light on them”-Iroh my fear of intimacy bc I made men emotionless in truth they have fears and complexes, and so do I. That’s something I can work on in a partnership, help and understand eachother.

“But you have light and peace inside of you. If you let it out, you can change the world around you.”-Iroh

The outside will reflect the inside. If i keep healing myself I can also live my life in a healing way. Start throwing less elbows