I should quit my job and become a dating coach for straight nerdy dudes. Step 1, don't immediately reference material from the DnD player's handbook

I think half of my job would be grabbing other nerds by the shoulders, shaking them roughly, and saying, "You can't FORCE someone to like you if they're NOT INTERESTED by being NICE to them. Being nice is a requirement for everything, not a freaking plus"

Me, as I'm shaking my friends—

"I'm not trying to rob you. I'm trying to help you"

Before I say more, I want to be SUPER clear here that I'm not trying to be mean. (If it sounds mean, though, maybe examine your own habits, my man.) I'm a fantasy book reading, MTG card carrying, dragon posters on the wall having nerd.

So, other advice. Let's start with the general stuff. Have good daily hygiene. Keep your spaces clean and uncluttered—Funko Pops, Amiibos, DnD minis, etc., are fine, but don't have a carpet of crushed Dr. Pepper cans covering all surfaces. Most importantly . . .

Always, always, be work on yourself FIRST. Don't expect a relationship to magically FIX all of YOUR problems. No one wants a project. NOW, that doesn't mean if you have problems you're undatable—that's definitely not true at ALL. We all have issues (so, so many issues). BUT...

You have a responsibility to take care of yourself. If that feels impossible, take whatever steps are needed: admit you have a problem, talk to a therapist regularly, get a good health plan going, consult a doctor, etc. Build some positive momentum as a GENERAL trend.

Be HONEST with yourself. Don't BASH yourself, just be realistic. Cultivate your sense of self-awareness. Don't keep making excuses for personal problems—that gives the impression you don't have a grasp on reality. This point takes a bit more explaining, though...

It's okay to admit something is difficult, and it's CERTAINLY okay to feel overwhelmed—we're all human beings here—but that's different than making an excuse. The first (admitting/expressing) is communication, and that is GOOD. But an excuse is an attempt to not communicate—

to yourself, or to your romantic interest. If you have financial problems, for example, have some sort of general plan to be in a better position eventually. If you're struggling with depression, take steps to manage it. If you are not doing things you enjoy . . . take baby steps

Anyway, the point with this stuff, the foundation, is just putting yourself in a position to actually have a decent relationship. Nothing really insightful here, but wow does it remove stress and take some of the pressure away. Plus, it's just good for existing as a person. Now..

Onto the stuff you've probably been following this thread for. There are going to be some very obvious things I say here, but if you feel like you might learn from this thread, I want you to think very, very carefully about them. Think about your past interactions while you read.

Every single woman, from your IRL crush to your dream superhero actress, is a Person with a Personality, Feelings, Emotions, Knowledge, Interests, Expertise, Opinions, Political Views, Hobbies, Goals, Concerns, and so on—no matter that YOU might feel otherwise.

No lady just popped into existence the moment you thought of talking to her. This should be REALLY freeing to understand, but it can be difficult to ACTUALLY realize, especially if you don't have any sisters and never really talked to the Popular Girls at school.

You've got to do a lot of reflecting to realize that your brain needs to fight a LIFETIME of ridiculous, male-oriented, objectified, unrealistic, one-dimensional portrayals of women in advertising and popular culture, mostly written by a bunch of dudes who are also huge nerds.

Why do you have to do this difficult work? BECAUSE, if you don't, you're going to cause a lot of AVOIDABLE cringe that will make the lives of women you're interested in much WORSE. That's what I want you to NOT do. It's why I'm writing this thread instead of my dissertation rn.