Stuck in a queue at the border? Take a quick break at the #Brexit drive-thru.

What can I get you?
Brexit

Okay. And how would you like that?
Hard

Can you be a bit more precise?

Certainly. I want complete regulatory autonomy, no EU laws anywhere in this most united of United Kingdoms, and the same Brexit for all four nations. Got it?

Sure. Anything else?

Well, I’m told I shouldn’t threaten peace and security. Best add a side order of “respecting the Good Friday Agreement”.

Okay. I’ll see what I can do.

Come on. Chop-chop.

Just give me a moment….

….almost ready….

Alright, here’s what I can offer. I can give you complete regulatory autonomy and no EU laws, plus the same Brexit for all four nations, but you’re going to have to junk the Good Friday Agreement.

Tempting, but…some chaps have told me it’s dangerous, and it might rub some of those chaps across the pond up the wrong way. Try again.

Okay, how about no regulatory autonomy, but the same Brexit for all four nations, plus you get to respect the Good Friday Agreement, both the word of it and its spirit?

Absolutely not! I’m not some frites eating, Tour de France obsessive. I want my freedom. Back to the drawing board.

Okay. How about a different Brexit for one small part of the UK, the possible aroma of some EU laws in the air if the wind is blowing the right way, but full autonomy for everyone else & you respect the Good Friday agreement, and I'll throw in a consent mechanism for free.

Yuk! I said no EU laws, anywhere. What part of this don’t you understand? Isn’t there anything else on this menu?

Well, I have one order of no Brexit left.

Oh for goodness sake! Why can’t you just give me everything that I want?

Because its impossible. What part of that don’t you understand?

Nothing is impossible if you believe.

Well you need to stop believing and start deciding. What do you want?

Oh, just give me the last thing you mentioned.

The border in the Irish Sea?

Yes, yes, that one.

You’ve read the T&Cs?

Of course.

There’s no refunds.

Just give me the cake!

Umm. It’s a bit dry. Maybe I want option one after all.