like this tweet, and I'll tell you why I wouldn't date you

will start doing this when I have enough likes to effectively anonymise, love to belligerently seek attention online in a GDPR-compliant manner

unfortunately, you are too old

you are too old and also live very far away

the number of conversations about climate change that we would have would not be sustainable, even though a return to steak nights would be excellent

you are lovely and funny but I'm pretty sure you're a furry and I think that's my line

I think you might be too young? but otherwise – you are very funny on twitter so I might date you on that basis

I worry that you only respect women who are your friends, and you see sexual / romantic partners as essentially disposable

I've never heard of you until this moment and you don't seem to tweet so. we can't have much on common

hot girls stop liking this tweet, I absolutely would date you

I have no idea what you look like so – either you are very privacy conscious or you are simply unattractive. either would be an issue for me

this one is easy – you are married with a baby

I actually think you are very sweet and I love your vibe and I can't think of a good reason not to date you. I bet you would take good pictures of me for instagram

your cheekbones are so sharp I would cut myself and possibly die of my wounds

I start every morning by yelling, "YOU ARE VERY IMPRESSIVE AND YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ACHIEVED" in your face, and eventually would get a sore throat

you retweeted a bad tweet earlier today

you literally already slid into my DMs to ask which one was about you. well, it's this one. that was very forward behaviour

I think if we dated, at a certain point you would cancel me for something I said, and that would not be fun

I feel like I should know you really well by now but I have no idea what your inner life looks like that. no clue at all. you are a closed book to me

I actually probably would date you, not even as a bit I just think you are neat

you only seem to remember one thing about me, but I can't judge too much because I don't think I know anything about you except that you are quite nice

not only are you a fascist, you're also a reply guy

you never replied to my DM that one time

another reply guy – although I note to your credit that you are not a fascist. good going

if we dated there's a high chance I would accidentally spoil Korra for you. I'm not taking that risk

you are a bit FBPE, but I might be able to get over it

you do not pass the Turing test

I don't know you but you seem like a simp

probably too old? and I don't care for your hair

your surname clashes awfully with my first name, it would sound dreadful

you responded too quickly to this thread before I did one for you, and now it's too late. of course I do not know your surname

I would date you. I would ! I believe you are in a happy relationship and also live in another country, but your tweets are excellent and I would date you !

dating you would not be the economically rational decision and I feel like you will respect that

one time you behaved very rudely to one of my friends and then were actually quite nasty to me when I asked you to back off. no thank you

unfortunately, you are straight

I feel like if we dated and I never looked at google maps for fun, something essential would be missing for you

I don't think I have it in me to pretend to care about football even a little bit, which is tragic because you're one of the most dateable people I know

I think you are really cool ! and I like your book ! and I would be scared that if we dated and then broke up, you would unfollow me and I'd never recover

one time I saw you eat an entire chicken, and I don't think I could go through that again

you are v thoughtful and intelligent and I feel like my stupid flippant comments would get on your nerves eventually

someone liked this tweet and then unfollowed me before I got to them. anyway I guess this is an easy one. that was not attractive behaviour

what if we dated and you got a pea stuck up your nose and I panicked and didn't know what to do and then you died and I was arrested on suspicion of your murder because of what an implausible way that was to die? what then ???

two people have liked this who are going out and you guys post the cutest stuff about each other. I think you are both so cool & interesting and would not countenance being the Other Woman in this situation

you are very cute and I think you would be an excellent girlfriend! however, if you left your houseplants in my care, they would die, and I just can't face that

you moved continents! ours is a tragic star-crossed love

the emotional whiplash of opening your page, seeing how interesting + cool you seem, and then immediately seeing your equally attractive girlfriend – I'm happy for you, but oof

I think if we dated, you would indulge my worst instincts until eventually I would create a "hamlet memes" twitter page. and nobody needs that

on all levels except physical: you are a liberal democrat

based on a recent tweet, your phone camera is quite bad and you would sent me low-res photos of dogs you have seen. which is lovely – but what I really need is high-res photos of dogs you have seen

you're just. you're just so annoying

you followed me just from seeing this thread and honestly – I respect that a lot

one of my friends low-key has a twitter crush on you, and I couldn't do that to him