I’m not usually afraid of flying but… I was on one of your planes this morning @British_Airways, and have a few comments/suggestions relating to services during End Times

I was on BA0496 from LHR to PMI, a few rows behind a bunch of rambunctious chaps wearing paisley print chin cradles. I wasn’t feeling it. Neither was another passenger in front of them. So we both moved a dozen rows back and away

A flight attendant came and told us it was captain‘s orders for us to return to our original seats. “COVID protocol!” We said we didn’t feel safe but, sure, captain’s orders and all. The attendant asked the chaps to mask up. Which they did. For 5, 4, 3, 2 ...

I went OFF. And called the cabin crew.

Spiel: “We are asthmatic! We are exempt!!”.

Hmm. *Sceptical Chris Hemsworth Thor face*

That may be, but my husband has asthma and he’s masked up right here with an inhaler about his person

What do I know? Maybe asthma IS the real scourge of our time. Maybe the 40% of passengers with elasticated chin cradles on buses in London are all just a rectangle of Muji cotton away from asphyxiation and death. Or maybe they’re all total dicks

After takeoff, some of the guys moved to the rear of the plane to live mask-free, but came back to chat with their mate in an emergency exit window seat who was also - as I pointed out to crew - drunk. And maskless. Because why not? It’s nearly 9am. Live your best life

As you can imagine, some of us are a tad anxious about flying right now. Which is why planes are kind of empty. Maybe move the “asthmatic” to a distinct section several rows from anyone else. Or anywhere else. Or just tell them they can’t fly. Or noone is going to want to, at all