i always try to tell myself that things happen because they are meant to or because they need to, but it doesn't stop me from hoping that things just... go the way i want it to sometimes. i feel like i just have a pit in my stomach because of the stress and anxiety of not

knowing what will happen in my future and if what i'm doing is okay or if i'm even going to be okay. i'm scared. i just want to be happy and i want my loved ones around me to be happy. but sometimes that means that i have to unhappy for them to be happy and i question if that

is the right choice to make. i'm so used to sacrificing my own happiness to cater to others. even now when i'm writing this i feel so selfish and scummy for even wishing that things would go MY way. maybe it's my period making me emotional, but i have these thoughts daily idk

i don't even think this thread makes sense to outsiders because my thoughts are such a constant whirlwind but i've already written this much and i don't want to edit it or delete it. this is just another part of me.