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Here's a story to show just to show you how arse peacetime service was, even in the Falklands.
It was 1992 and coming up to the 19th Anniversary of the Falklands conflict.
My CO wanted to throw a cocktail party in the Mess to commemorate the event.
It was 1992 and coming up to the 19th Anniversary of the Falklands conflict.
My CO wanted to throw a cocktail party in the Mess to commemorate the event.
At that point I was the Squadron Adjutant and it fell to me to make the arrangements.
This was not what I joined for and was the sort of shit that led me to resign my Commission.
Anyway, let's continue with the story.
This was not what I joined for and was the sort of shit that led me to resign my Commission.
Anyway, let's continue with the story.
At the time the Falklands were a sort of wild west place, you got things like a party organised not though orders but through what was essentially an NCOs black market.
'Slabs' (crates) of beer (themselves pilfered) were used to barter for food and drink, skimmed off supplies.
'Slabs' (crates) of beer (themselves pilfered) were used to barter for food and drink, skimmed off supplies.
By fair means or foul I managed to get all the kit the CO wanted for his shindig, except for champagne.
There was none to be had on the island and even my network of wily NCOs couldn't locate any.
There was none to be had on the island and even my network of wily NCOs couldn't locate any.
With a week to go the CO piled the pressure on, big time.
I then had a brain wave.
It was my 2nd tour down there and I had qualified for R&R on Ascension Island, where I had established some contacts during my time there.
I then had a brain wave.
It was my 2nd tour down there and I had qualified for R&R on Ascension Island, where I had established some contacts during my time there.
So without a moment to waste I drafted a signal (a sort of military telegram) to the Catering Officer RAF Ascension to see if he had any champagne.
Within 4 hours the reply came back that yes he did.
He named his price, which I relayed to the CO. He was happy.
Within 4 hours the reply came back that yes he did.
He named his price, which I relayed to the CO. He was happy.
Within the space of 24 hours I was on an RAF Tristar, heading up to Ascension Island to collect 8 cases of Champagne from my contact.
The flight was sorted by a contact in Movements, no questions asked. Another wild west favour called in.
The flight was sorted by a contact in Movements, no questions asked. Another wild west favour called in.
4 days later the Tristar, on its way back to the Falklands with fresh troops, landed at Ascension for its scheduled stop over.
Champagne safely loaded I boarded and headed back South to the Falklands.
Champagne safely loaded I boarded and headed back South to the Falklands.
The party was deemed a success. Food and drink flowed, and my lads put on a display of silent continuity drill which impressed everyone who needed to be impressed.
No-one asked where the food and drink came from, or how much it cost the taxpayer.
No-one asked where the food and drink came from, or how much it cost the taxpayer.
For me it was defining moment.
I'd done other things in other parts of UK Armed Forces which were interesting and challenging but this for me was the end.
It was time to go, and I did.
I'd done other things in other parts of UK Armed Forces which were interesting and challenging but this for me was the end.
It was time to go, and I did.
The operations that took place in Iraq and Afghanistan were I believe an opportunity for our forces to shake off the flabby complacency of peacetime and get serious about the profession of arms. God knows it was needed.
Perhaps I left too soon. We'll never know.
Perhaps I left too soon. We'll never know.
