Seems like England is now under the scope of lockdown type things, aside from Leicester, bits of Leicestershire, Blackburn, Pendle, Bradford, other bits of W Yorkshire and E Lancs, all of Greater Manchester and more recently Birmingham. Welcome! Here’s what you can expect

Each week, your council will engage in discussions with govt about what can be done. You won’t be told what the trigger is for lockdown measures. Keep calm. It’s natural to feel angry any powerless but take it from people who know: it’s pointless.

Some weeks, things will be announced by the govt at 9pm on twitter. Other weeks, nothing will happen. And on other occasions you’ll find out from the front of the daily telegraph. You may also find that what you’re meant to do changes at short notice. Don’t worry: this is normal.

You might also find other places with higher Covid infection rates than your area are subject to no measures at all, while your area is. Or the other way round. This is also normal.

You’ll increasingly find you read news articles about ‘lockdown measures’ and mutter bitterly to yourself: ‘Why does WIGAN get to go ice skating?’ even if you have no interest in ice skating

Anyway, good luck England, you’re welcome.