Saturday morning, we woke up & my wife & I were gisting & laughing away. Then my best friend calls me to remind me that we had a prayer meeting in Church by 8am. It was 7.30. I dashed out of bed & got dressed. My wife came & said she wasn't happy that our gist was interrupted.

I knew it was a delicate moment & her angst was valid. It was as if I was prioritising my friend over her. It wasn't time for agidi & counter-vexing. I pacified her & told her we were going to pray but I could stay back if she wanted. She calmed down & insisted I go.

Women, heck, humans are delicate & we must learn how to balance relationships. Your spouse should never feel like you prioritize anyone or anything above them. No matter the validity of your reasons for 'abandoning' them, when they raise concerns, address it gently & lovingly.

I was indeed going to pray & prayers are important for the family but I recognised that it wasn't the time to be forceful & dismissive. It was a time for reasoning, empathy & understanding. She won the upper hand by 'approving' my leaving. Quarrel averted.

On her 40th birthday on the 30th of this month, it will be our 14th wedding anniversary but I'm still learning work. Nobody has marriage figured out & a happy marriage takes a lot of emotional intelligence, empathy & constant understanding.

Know when to beef & when to be meek & contrite. Even if you feel a complaint is not justified or unreasonable, pointing it out only makes it worse. It's not an upper-hand competition. If you want peace in your family, learn to balance needs & expectations against your actions.

And I'm thankful that my wife & I still have gist. We can lay in bed all day gisting & goofing around. Its not a given. I have seen couples that act like strangers around each other but come to life when they are with other people. You must fight this with everything.

May God help us enjoy and not endure our marriages.

Ugwu Ngwu.