I've come to love my uniquely wired ADHD brain for the most part, but as I transition from a life that is "settled" to one that is full of unknowns I find myself frustrated by my Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-eqsue long term memory. /1

Memories are a strange thing with a non-linear brain. I remember parts of events. I remember strong feelings. But there are lots of blank spaces and lots of memories that others have of me that I cannot recall at all. /2

This often leads me to feeling like I'm a person without a real history and I grapple with this. In some ways I feel that it is freeing... I am not weighed down by sentimentality and all of the physical and psychic clutter that brings so many people. /4

However, I envy people who can recall the history of their lives with rich detail. I simply don't have that. What I do have is the world's most random highlight reel on an old slide projector filled by my brain selecting *the most fucking random* things in no particular order. /5

So as I think about getting to know a future romantic partner I wonder... can one really get to know me? Are the random stories apropos of nothing that I find myself telling with all the enthusiasm and hand waving and side-story interjecting enough to get to know me? /6

The answer, of course, is yes. My relationship with my history be different than most, but I am a whole person with a whole history. Just as being neurodivergent shapes everything in my life, so too does it shape my history and the ways I process and interact with it. 7/7

I swear I didn't skip /3 just to mess with y'all.