I am happy for my friends when they get married and have kids, but it stings to hear nowadays because I feel stuck in one phase of life with nothing to show for it, whilst they move on achieving the markers of adulthood.

Funny though, because I do not even want kids or marriage, but I cannot help but judge myself by the things I do not have even when I do not want them.

Ugh! Why do we do that?

Anyway, after much introspection, I realized that my envy was not about them getting married or having kids, but their achieved sense of responsibility, accomplishment, and fulfillment- virtues associated with the traditional markers of adulthood.

As a child, I used to think that having a car and a house-made me an adult -It symbolized freedom- and adults around me always seemed free to do what they wanted.

These childhood beliefs of adulthood embedded in us make us judge ourselves through the lens of our childlike state, oftentimes echoing the traditional markers of adulthood- Financial Stability, Moving to your own place, Marriage, and Kids

I am career-oriented and a lot of myself can be found in my work but I still feel unaccomplished; I constantly compare my reality to the fantasy I created as a child.

Even though I know life gives me what I want but in the least expected way- I still can’t shake it off.

I am constantly challenging my depreciating thoughts by reminding myself to live in the present and see how they all lead to the fantasy I created; to recognize that life is not a linear process and one only connects the dots looking backward.

I also realized that I needed to define my own internal markers of adulthood and not rely on what I have been told.

So what are my internal markers? They are pretty straight forward - financial security, sense of purpose, close-knit community, and self-care.

Now! To be honest, when I list these things they sound so nice but they are still abstract terms- they don't give depth.

So during my time of introspection, I decided to do a breakdown of my internal markers.

Read more on this here
https://mailchi.mp/b763ff266f20/howtobecomeanadult

The road to adulthood is a life long one
I am learning to celebrate my wins no matter how small.
Learning to show kindness and honor me.
Learning to let go of the fear of being happy..
Learning to live in the present moment
Learning to break my longing for chaos & instability.

I realized that the more I define and take control of my internal markers, the more In control of my life I feel.

I am an adult because I'm taking charge of my life, taking responsibility for my actions, and defining how I want to live life.