The definitions of masculinity today come down to cultural standards and expectations. For many, those standards and expectations have to do with muted emotions and outward displays of strength.

Often times, deviations from these narratives lead to challenging comments like “be a man” or “real men don’t do that.”

The problem with these definitions are that they are limited, toxic and they stunt growth.

The idea that the ideal man looks a certain way creates insider and outsider dynamics. The boys and men who do not fit the narrative are sometimes isolated, ostracised, and bullied. Systems end up being built on these and give roughly 3 billion people limited templates to model.

By systems I mean families, schools, workplaces, governments and media. This strips away individuality.

It also doesn’t MAKE ROOM for ALL archetypes of men. A chiseled jawed, bearded man is not the ideal man. The ideal man is a man who lives up to the ideals of who he is as a person.

Teaching men that showing emotions make them less manly or gay is beyond toxic and a gateway to misogyny, homophobia and transphobia.

It does not place priority on self-awareness, empathy and emotional intelligence.

Without self-awareness, you don’t know how to grow.

Without empathy, you don’t know how to connect.

Without emotional intelligence, you don’t know how to process feelings.

Growth is not only physical. It’s emotional and psychological too. Our world comes with triggers and with that anxiety, depression, and trauma.

To act like we do not need to constantly be working on these is dismissive, ignorant and naïve.

When there isn’t a culture that promotes these coping mechanisms for men, growth is stunted and it carries on to the next generation.

If you identify as a man, you are a man. Let’s create a culture of developing more “good men” as opposed to “real men”.