The issue with society making marriage seem like the ultimate accomplishment for heterosexual women is that we view women who divorce as failures. This is what we’ve seen a lot in the media after speculations of Cardi B divorcing Offset. Let’s talk about it.

Globally, in the last four decades, divorce rates have more than doubled. The main phrases we hear is “people used to stick it out before” “in our grandparents time, divorce wasn’t a thing!” But baby...grandpa had a whole extramarital baby on granny :/ how is that remarkable?

Let’s understand that decades ago, women did not have the freedom they do now. They did not have the independence they currently hold. And in many developing countries they STILL are not there yet. There was a time where the court could REFUSE a woman’s request for a divorce.

Men benefit from marriage more than women and the numbers prove it. A study of 127,545 American adults found that “married men are healthier than men who were never married or whose marriages ended in divorce or widowhood.” Unfortunately these numbers are the opposite for women.

Women also are proven to initiate divorce more than men. All this to say, divorces are usually due to women being unhappy. Why don’t we equate divorce to liberation? Liberation from misery & liberation from society’s expectations of women?

Again, our patriarchal society views married cis het women as more “valuable” because they were finally chosen by a man. Divorced women are painted as sad and lonely because the idea of not being accompanied by a man, as toxic as he could be, is a sign of failure.

Society also has this clear image of what a wife should be. This is what “wifey type” comes from. A “wifey” is usually described as a women who cleans, cooks, obeys her husband, dresses modestly, is an intellectual, doesn’t party, etc. All things that serve the husband.

Under patriarchy, a good wife is based on how useful a woman can be to her husband and has little to do with the desires of the woman herself. This is why many men get angry when women like Cardi B, the polar opposite of a “wifey” gets married.

The idea that Cardi B can dress sexy, speak so openly about sex, brag about not cooking and cleaning and could STILL get a ring upset many men. The idea that she can fully and unapologetically be herself, live to please herself and not a man is NOT an idea that interests them.

Why would it? What do men gain from women living for them and not to appeal to men? Absolutely nothing under the standards of patriarchy. And now that Cardi has allegedly filed for divorce, this is the angry men’s time to shine!

“See how a fat ass can’t keep a man?” or “I guess your WAP didn’t cut it!” are all things we’ve seen lately. They could not WAIT to jump on the occasion of attacking a woman who defied all societal standards and was still “wifed.” This is how angry her being married made them.

“You bragged about not cooking and cleaning but look!” But your mom cooked, cleaned and ironed your dad’s work clothes all before 7 am and still got cheated on...so what are we talking about here? Why aren’t we talking about the reports saying Cardi was who filed for divorce?

Divorce should be celebrated and not ridiculed. Normalize divorce parties the same way y’all do engagement parties. Sis, you’re leaving and putting yourself first despite society’s expectations of you? Let me bring the champagne.