~ pronouns and misgendering on twitter ~

bc i see a lot of misunderstanding around pronouns on this side of twitter, i figured i would try to make a guide on them
so ill cover neopronouns, when to put pronouns in your bio, what to do when you accidentally get it wrong and some other things :))

first of all, there is nothing wrong with not fully understanding, especially if youre not a native english speaker as how pronouns work varies greatly across languages
(rn in many of them there are also new pronouns coming into use too so have a look into them if you can!)

thats why im writing this to help explain differences and what to do in certain scenarios, as well as tips for making sure your tweets are as inclusive and kind as possible

1. always check their bio first

i feel a lot of us here do this anyway for obvious reasons, but before leaping into an argument, just check the bio, it only takes 2 seconds and this way you can avoid a v sticky situation

they should be written like she/her, he/him, they/them

however, some prefer multiple, so you may see "she/her, they/them"
in this scenario either is fine, tho sticking with 'she/her' when talking to them may come across as you only using the one that is 'acceptable', so use they/them too

there is also a chance you may see "xe/xem/xyr", "ey/er/eir" or another set that you dont recognise
these are called neopronouns, and they work exactly the same as the mainstream pronouns you know/learnt

for example, "she went to the shop" vs "xe went to the shop"

if youre confused on how to properly conjugate some neopronouns, you should be able to google them and find a table that shows you how :))

but what happens if you go on their profile and see no pronouns? well, theres two options:

1. use they/them
2. ask politely

in terms of 1, you should use they/them instead of "he/she" when referring to someone you dont know the gender of, as b explained really neatly here:
https://twitter.com/gdmorelikegod/status/1306163270219436034?s=20

in terms of 2, you should politely ask in a separate tweet/comment/reply what pronouns they would prefer, and if they could put them on their bio

just remember that you may not get a response, in which see 1 https://twitter.com/smolizard13/status/1305961058121723906?s=20

on the topic of pronouns in bios, you should put yours on your profiles too, especially if youre cis!
it normalises pronouns for lgbtqia+ to feel safer nominating their own

again, if you have a reason as to why you dont want to/feel like you cant, then you are not forced to!

now, bc theres a variety of cases where the entirety of the above doesnt work out, and bc its twitter, theres probably going to come a time where you get it wrong, especially in the midst of an argument
now bc 99% of the time people arent trying to come across +

+ as insincere, but the apology accidentally reads as such, & it ends up adding gasoline to the fire, especially with how prickly twt is, i decided to just include a few tips on how to handle making a mistake with pronouns

1. write you apology in a separate t/c/r and keep it separate in topic
that way youre taking it seriously, & not (accidentally) dismissing it as you continue on with your argument
it also helps if you need to link it in elsewhere if the argument expands to include other people

2. acknowledge that you know what you shouldve done but didnt do—as in, own up to your mistakes ("i shouldve checked your bio, im really sorry")

and of course, 3, make sure to use the correct pronouns from that point onward :))

this way, you can continue calling them out for god-awful behaviour while also showing you meant no harm in that way, but understand how your actions/inaction maybe did so

if, & this does happen, you do all you can & they keep trying to push that you misgendered them & ignore your original points, then its best to bow out
emphasising your apology & highlighting youll make sure it doesnt happen again (& then following through) is the best way to go

anyways, i hope this helped in some way!

(also, slightly unrelated, but try to use 'lgbtqia+' if you can, and if you havent the space, at least put 'lgbt+' since it has long expanded from just being 'lgbt' and this just helps a lot of us feel a bit more included, tysm!)