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October 2013: New winger Wilfired Zaha is touted as a future star for the Red Devils. Only for him to be sidelined from the squad after allegedly sleeping with David Moyes' daughter 
February 2014: In possibly one of the most infamous game of the banter era, United trail at home to Fulham. After a hailstorm of crosses, the home side lead 2-1 thanks to Carrick and Robin Van Persie. Only to be sucker punched by a Darren Bent equalizer in injury time
March 2014: As pressure on The Chosen ones mounts, United manage to hold Pep Guardiola's Bayern Munich to a 1-1 draw at La Theatre after a surprisingly decent performance. Fellaini starts a one man counter and Buttner pockets Robben.
April 2014: Patrice Evra sends United fans into euphoria after giving United the lead away at Bayern. The home side equalize twenty seconds later and go on to win 3-1 on the night...
April 2014: The final nail in the coffin for The Chosen One. United lose 2-0 away at Goodison Park and Moyes is sacked soon after. The Grim Reaper Collects
May 2014: Man Utd finish 7th, worst in the PL era. Moyes era ends. Allegedly the catalyst for the players turning on him was an instance in which he told Club Captain Vidic that he was not as experienced as Phil Jagielka.
Summer 2014: After an impressive World Cup campaign with the Netherlands, Dutch Manager Louis Van Gaal takes charge at Manchester United. Luke Shaw and Ander Herrera are also unveiled. Man Utd are back ?
July/August 2014: The Van Gaal era is initially greeted with optimism and hope. Impressive pre-season wins against Inter Milan, Real Madrid and Liverpool further this sentiment. Then Swansea come to Old Trafford on the first day of the season to win 2-1...
August 2014: Benik Afobe runs riot and Johnny Evans drops possibly the worst performance of all time as United are thrashed 4-0 by League Two side MK Dons. Though most United fans were too busy waiting for us to announce this guy...
August 2014: United complete the loan of Radamel Falcao from AS Monaco. He would go on to score only 4 goals the entire season...
September 2014: Angel Di Maria stars in United's 4-0 trashing of QPR. Scores an audacious chip away at promoted Leicester City the following week. The latter, however is marred by a second half collapse which sees United blow a 3-1 lead to lose 5-3
November 2014: United win their first away game of the season after 3 months. Beating Arsenal 2-1 with 1 (ONE) shot on target. Talk about making omelette without eggs...
April/May 2015: Carrick gets injured and then United lose 3 games in a row without a goal scored. Chris Brunt scores a deflected free kick at OT. Di Maria drops a 0/10 cameo. Van Persie and Rooney both play defensive midfield with Fellaini as a striker.
May 2015: United hang on to secure 4th spot and book a place in the CL Play Offs. Decent but not great
Summer 2015: Man Utd sign Memphis Depay...Angel Di Maria refuses to join the club's US tour and runs away to meet his contact at PSG. He undergoes a medical and signs for PSG. Ashley Young is handed a 3 year contract almost at the same time.
July 2015: Let's not forget Morgan Schneiderlin's transfer being announced via leaked blood test samples. And also signing the worst defender in our clubs history...
September 2015: David De Gea is set to move to Real Madrid on deadline day. Fans bid tearful farewells. Only for the fax machine to malfunction at the very last minute. De Gea is still a United player as of September 1st. United also sign French youngster Anthony Martial.
. De Gea is still a United player as of September 1st. United also sign French youngster Anthony Martial.
October 2015: LVG plays a retirement midfield of Schweinsteiger, Carrick and Rooney away at Arsenal and it backfires horribly. 3-0 loss. Alexis Sanchez effectively ends Matteo Darmian's footballing career( if he even had one ffs)
December 2015: PEAK Banter Era. After a run of drab 0-0s and 1-1s, we enter probably our worst form of the banter era. Losses vs Wolfsburg, Bournemouth, Stoke, Norwich have us out of the CL and struggling for top 4. Let me reiterate. We did not win a SINGLE game.
February 2016: Anthony Martial has been United's best player all season. So it's only natural he pulls his hamstring in the warm up to a Europa League match. However, a Memphis Depay masterclass and a double from surprise debutant Marcus Rashford helps United to a 5-1 win...
February 2016: United face Arsenal with majority of the first team squad injured. Carrick and Blind in CM. Varela pockets Sanchez on a yellow for 82 minutes. Rashford scores twice. Van Gaal dives. United win 3-2.
April 2016: It's the 67th minute at White Hart Lane. United are holding title challengers Spurs to a 0-0 draw. RB Fosu Mensah is injured and replaced by Matteo Darmian. Spurs then score 3 goals in 6 minutes to win 3-0. All the goals coming from our right hand side ffs
May 2016: Miraculously, United are still in the race for top 4. All we need is a win away at West Ham to leapfrog City. A half fit Martial scores twice to put us in front. Only for United to concede twice in 15 minutes to lose 3-2
May 2016: Our last game of tge season against Bournemouth is called off due to a bomb threat. Police investigate. Only to find out that the "bomb" was a mock IED which the security team accidentally left in the toilets after a counter terror drill.
May 2016: United play the postponed game a few days later and win 3-1. But a Chris Smalling own goal in injury time robs De Gea of his golden glove.
May 2016 : Man Utd win the FA Cup, first trophy post SAF. However, Michael Carrick somehow loses the lid while holding the trophy. And news of Van Gaal's sacking reaches him before he can even finish the celebrations.
May 2016: United appoint Jose Mourinho as manager following his departure from Chelsea. Surely Man Utd are back ?
Summer 2016: The transfer window gets off to a quick start. United secure 2 signings by June. Raiola flips chairs to get Mkhitaryan to United. A lenghty transfer saga sees Paul Pogba return to United for a world record fee. GREATEST TRANSFER WINDOW OF ALL TIME
October 2016: Anthony Martial wins our goal of the month competition for this wonder goal vs Stoke. Plot twist? That was the only goal we scored in the PL that month...
...
October 2016: Ibrahimovic consistently bottles chances set up by Paul Pogba in games vs Stoke and Burnley. But United save their worst showing for Stamford Bridge. Conceding in the very first minute and losing 4-0. Chris Smalling culpable in all the goals.
February 2017: Wembley. League Cup Final. Eric Bailly doesn't do national anthems. Zlatan Ibrahimovic masterclass helps United to their first trophy of the Jose Mourinho era.
. Zlatan Ibrahimovic masterclass helps United to their first trophy of the Jose Mourinho era.
May 2017: United have a strange season. A 25 game unbeaten run filled with draws vs mid table teams. In 6th place for the entire season. Yet are through to a Europa League final thanks to John Guidetti missing a sitter.
May 2017: United win the Europa League to complete our trophy cabinet and qualify for CL. Also finishing 6th in the PL
March 2017: Not forgetting Marcos Rojo eats a banana during United's Europa League tie vs Rostov 
Summer 2017 : Mourinho signs his son for £40m from Chelsea and a feminist centre back from Benfica
October 2017 : After an unbeaten start to the season and only second to Man City and challenging for the title, Victor Lindelof comes on to put in a disasterclass being responsible for the 2 goals conceded as United lose 2-1 to Huddesfield. Awful.
January 2018 : Season's been good, we're actually challenging for the title for the first time post SAF. To add to this we announce new signing Alexis Sanchez playing a freaking Piano, also on £500k per weekMkhitaryan joins Arsenal in the deal and bags 3 assists on his debut
Mkhitaryan joins Arsenal in the deal and bags 3 assists on his debut
January 2018 : Jose Mourinho signs a contract extension and loses his brain cells immediately after. Let the terrorism begin
February 2018: After the signing of Alexis Sanchez, Jose Mourinho sidelines Anthony Martial from the team and eventually starts picking on star Paul Pogba. Pogba is benched for Scott McTominay for the CL first leg against Sevilla. United labour to a tedious 0-0 draw.
March 2018: Nothing wrong with parking the bus for a 0-0 draw in the first away leg as long as you go all out attack at home, right? Nah not with Jose.
United's very mobile midfield of Fellaini and Matic is dominated by Sevilla. Ben Yedder at the double. Out of the CL
United's very mobile midfield of Fellaini and Matic is dominated by Sevilla. Ben Yedder at the double. Out of the CL
April 2018 : After coming from 2-0 down to winning 3-2 away at Man City to deny them the title, we lose 1-0 to relegated West Brom the next week at Old Trafford giving Man City the title on a silver platter. Typical United
May 2018 : Horrible finish to the PL season but we finish 2nd, best finish post SAF. We however lose the FA Cup final to Chelsea after Phil Jones conceded a penalty which Hazard converted. Shame
Summer 2018 : Nightmare Pre-season. Rui Faria departs from Mourinho's coaching staff, leaving no one to monitor Jose's temper tantrums. Mourinho can't stop complaining about the lack of transfer activity from the club. Most key players are recovering from the World Cup. Disaster
Summer 2018 : Anthony Martial is fined by the club for arriving late to pre-season due to the birth of his daughter
September 2018 : We manage to sign Fred and Dalot but no new CB signing which Jose wanted. McTominay plays CB alongside Smalling away at West Hamand ofc we lost
and ofc we lost
November 2018 : Awful season so far but somehow we manage to come from behind to beat Juventus 2-1 away from home to qualify for the knock out stages. Prime Jose shithousery
December 2018 : How have I not mentioned Lukaku yet ?!! He scores vs Southampton only to injure himself later with his first touch
December 2018 : We're closer to the relegation zone than the Top 4. Anfield away. Shaqiri scores twice from the bench. 3-1 loss. Mourinho gets sacked the next day. End of the Mourinho era which brought 3 trophies for the club.
December 2018 : OGS is appointed and wins 5-1 in his first PL game. Ole's at the wheel !
February 2019 : Unbelievable start to Ole's interim reign. Unbeaten and breaking Premier League records. Starting to feel like SAF days again.
March 2019 : United complete one of the Greatest comebacks in Champions League history beating PSG 3-1 away to go to the quarters. "Get the contract out, let him sign it...Ole's at the wheel man, he's doing it he's doing his thing, MAN UTD are back!!"
May 2019 : Ole gets the Permanent job and immediately turns into a P.E Teacher. During the run up to the end of the season United only won 2 games out of 8 and also lost 4-0 to Everton. Pain.
Summer 2019 : Dan James, Harry Maguire and Wan Bissaka are all signed. LUHG immediately start agendas against them
August 2019 : New season begins. We beat Chelsea 4-0 on the opening day only to lose to Palace at home. Daniel James scores 3 goals in his first 4 games. A star in the making ?
September - November 2019 : Peak Banter era stuff. Ole is close to being sacked. #GlazersOut chants intensify. Top 4 out of sight and Rashford consantly having to play with bums like this :
December 2019 : Ole manages to revive himself and manages to tactically out do Mourinho and Pep in the space of 3 days, the rest of the month and January is filled with inconsitent perfomances until...
January - March 2020 : BRUNO FERNANDES is signed. Everything immediately changes, Top 4 back in sight, more goals scored and we go on a 13 game unbeaten run until Covid 19 lockdown restrictions are enforced. No football from March to June
July - August 2020 : Season finishes and we somehow finish 3rd Champions League football is back. However, we get KO in the League Cup, FA Cup and Europa League Semi Final stages. Not a bad first season for Ole but more can be done
Champions League football is back. However, we get KO in the League Cup, FA Cup and Europa League Semi Final stages. Not a bad first season for Ole but more can be done
September 2020 : THIS CLUB IS FINISHED FFS
and don't forget to tweet #GlazersOut #GlazersOutWoodwardOutJudgeOut
