So much discourse on this site around mental health and relationships is incredibly incredibly toxic ~not in general but for me personally~ and I’m slowly coming to realize and understand that and woof.

In particular stuff about abusive partners feigning crisis to keep someone in a relationship, which is real, and does happen far too often.

I just like, I hope none of you are ever in crisis yourselves and choose to depend on the wrong person at the wrong time. That scars too.

Not only does that shit leave permanent scars, but I spent a long time questioning whether or not, in hindsight, I was actually in crisis over those days, or just one of those people using it as an excuse, something my memories were covering up.

It was literally only very recently that I became secure enough in my own recollections to say that no, that shit was real, and I did need help, and didn’t know how to get it, and it’s alright to feel like someone I trusted utterly failed that trust when pressed

Anyway I’m tweeting this at 2am because if I wait until I wake up I’ll think better of it, and I don’t want to think better of it. There’s a longer piece of writing to be made out of this, so let’s just call this thread a placeholder.