Watching Star Trek the motion picture for the first time in probably 20+ years.

Decker: welcome to my ship
Kirk: my ship
Decker: what
Kirk: I'm the main character
Decker: you're old and stupid
Kirk: that's ADMIRAL old and stupid to you

Kirk: Bones my old friend thank you for joining this mission
Bones: they DRAFTED me
Kirk: that was me
Bone: why
Kirk: did you enjoy using the transporter lmao

Kirk: we accidentally killed the science officer, I need a replacement Vulcan
Decker: we don't have any Vulcans, you've used them all up
Kirk: then you can be science officer
Decker: ugh
Spock: hello
Kirk: Spock, you're science officer now
Decker: hol up
Kirk: did I stutter

Bald Chick: I'm here for some reason
Decker: I dated her awhile back
Bald Chick: I'm famously celibate
Decker:
Kirk:
Bald Chick:
Kirk: lol

Kirk: Decker is there anything you want to say
Decker: have I mentioned you're old and stupid
Kirk: why did I think this meeting was going to go differently
Decker: because you're old and stupid
Kirk: Bones, my most trusted advisor, thoughts?
Bones: he's got a point
Kirk: motherf

Decker: Captain I have some suggestions
Kirk: shut the fuck up Decker no one cares what you think
Decker: you literally forced me to be your XO I'm just doing my goddamn job
Kirk: I have no response to that

Kirk: Spock please tell us what the cloud is thinking
Spock: it's confused
Kirk: so am I
Decker: *muttering* there's a surprise
Kirk: what?
Decker: nothing

I'm currently unable to provide running commentary because we're basically watching an uninterrupted sequence of shots showing the ship flying into a space cloud.

Kirk: Mr Sulu, I haven't really given you any attention so far so please fly very close to the object
Sulu: close? fly?! object?!?
Kirk: afterwards, fly very far away
Sulu: preposterous

So far about 20% of this movie is just exterior shots of the Enterprise flying towards very large objects.

Decker: no one interfere with the ball lightning
Kirk: actually it's touching my computer so
Decker: so?
Kirk: it might see my browser history
Spock: say no more fam *punches computer*
Kirk: you're a true bro
Ball Lightning: *steals the Bald Chick*
Decker: noooooo
Kirk: lol simp

Decker: this thing can obviously destroy easily us so why doesn't it
Kirk: jesus christ Decker you ever hear the expression "don't look a gift horse in the mouth"

Kirk: that big hole seems to be open, let's peep it with the scanners
Space Object: owo;
Decker: why's it closing up
Spock: I'm detecting shyness, Captains

Computer: there's someone in the shower
Kirk: is now really the time
Decker: it's the Bald Chick
Kirk: now we're talking!

Bald Chick: my name is V'Ger
Kirk: where's whatshername
Bald Chick: she's dead
Kirk: no followup questions

Bones: V'Ger is a copy of the bald chick designed to probe and record us
V'Ger: Decker?
Decker: she remembers me!
Kirk: lol simp
Spock: she's probably copied so exactly it includes memories
Kirk: so she's still celibate then

V'Ger: you people are basically a waste of space
Decker: what if I gave you a nice hat
V'Ger: fuuuck yes
Decker: will you sleep with me now
Bones: she's still a robot
Decker: j/k... unless...?
V'Ger: no

Spock: just going for a walk outside
Kirk: why
Spock: gonna check out that hole
Kirk: understandable have a nice day

Spock: this shit is wild, I'm gonna meld with it
*several minutes later*
Kirk: how was it
Spock: in a word, mindblowing
Kirk: nice
Spock: I was speaking literally
Kirk: oh

V'Ger: I've found the creator
Kirk: that's earth
V'Ger: it's not answering, commencing planetary bombardment
Kirk: why?
V'Ger: what part of 'waste of space' are you not getting
Kirk: come on that was like three space montages ago

V'Ger: give info
Kirk: no
V'Ger: I destroy
Kirk: well now I'm definitely not helping you
V'Ger: ok, what if I open my hole
Decker: FINALLY

V'Ger: I showed you my hole pls respond
Kirk: ok boys, let's go
Decker: I'd like to come too
Kirk: yeah I bet

Kirk: V'Ger is Voyager? VOYAGER IS V'GER?
Decker: this thing fell into a black hole 300 years ago
Kirk: so... we're the creators
V'Ger: the creator must join with V'Ger
Decker: I'll do it
Kirk: WE KNOW

Bones: it'll probably kill you
Decker: let me sacrifice myself
Kirk:

Kirk: did we just watch Decker and the Bald Chick make a baby
Spock: the start of a new life form, one that is free to make it's own destiny
Bones: this is all a bit philosophical for me
Kirk: list Decker as missing in action
Kirk: fuckin told him this was my ship