Thread by @Kermitron, Watching Star Trek the motion picture for the first time in probably [...]

Watching Star Trek the motion picture for the first time in probably 20+ years.

Decker: welcome to my ship
Kirk: my ship
Decker: what
Kirk: I& #39;m the main character
Decker: you& #39;re old and stupid
Kirk: that& #39;s ADMIRAL old and stupid to you

Kirk: Bones my old friend thank you for joining this mission
Bones: they DRAFTED me
Kirk: that was me
Bone: why
Kirk: did you enjoy using the transporter lmao

Kirk: we accidentally killed the science officer, I need a replacement Vulcan
Decker: we don& #39;t have any Vulcans, you& #39;ve used them all up
Kirk: then you can be science officer
Decker: ugh
Spock: hello
Kirk: Spock, you& #39;re science officer now
Decker: hol up
Kirk: did I stutter

Bald Chick: I& #39;m here for some reason
Decker: I dated her awhile back
Bald Chick: I& #39;m famously celibate
Decker:
Kirk:
Bald Chick:
Kirk: lol

Kirk: Decker is there anything you want to say
Decker: have I mentioned you& #39;re old and stupid
Kirk: why did I think this meeting was going to go differently
Decker: because you& #39;re old and stupid
Kirk: Bones, my most trusted advisor, thoughts?
Bones: he& #39;s got a point
Kirk: motherf

Decker: Captain I have some suggestions
Kirk: shut the fuck up Decker no one cares what you think
Decker: you literally forced me to be your XO I& #39;m just doing my goddamn job
Kirk: I have no response to that

Kirk: Spock please tell us what the cloud is thinking
Spock: it& #39;s confused
Kirk: so am I
Decker: *muttering* there& #39;s a surprise
Kirk: what?
Decker: nothing

I& #39;m currently unable to provide running commentary because we& #39;re basically watching an uninterrupted sequence of shots showing the ship flying into a space cloud.

Kirk: Mr Sulu, I haven& #39;t really given you any attention so far so please fly very close to the object
Sulu: close? fly?! object?!?
Kirk: afterwards, fly very far away
Sulu: preposterous

So far about 20% of this movie is just exterior shots of the Enterprise flying towards very large objects.

Decker: no one interfere with the ball lightning
Kirk: actually it& #39;s touching my computer so
Decker: so?
Kirk: it might see my browser history
Spock: say no more fam *punches computer*
Kirk: you& #39;re a true bro
Ball Lightning: *steals the Bald Chick*
Decker: noooooo
Kirk: lol simp

Decker: this thing can obviously destroy easily us so why doesn& #39;t it
Kirk: jesus christ Decker you ever hear the expression "don& #39;t look a gift horse in the mouth"

Kirk: that big hole seems to be open, let& #39;s peep it with the scanners
Space Object: owo;
Decker: why& #39;s it closing up
Spock: I& #39;m detecting shyness, Captains

Computer: there& #39;s someone in the shower
Kirk: is now really the time
Decker: it& #39;s the Bald Chick
Kirk: now we& #39;re talking!

Bald Chick: my name is V& #39;Ger
Kirk: where& #39;s whatshername
Bald Chick: she& #39;s dead
Kirk: no followup questions

Bones: V& #39;Ger is a copy of the bald chick designed to probe and record us
V& #39;Ger: Decker?
Decker: she remembers me!
Kirk: lol simp
Spock: she& #39;s probably copied so exactly it includes memories
Kirk: so she& #39;s still celibate then

V& #39;Ger: you people are basically a waste of space
Decker: what if I gave you a nice hat
V& #39;Ger: fuuuck yes
Decker: will you sleep with me now
Bones: she& #39;s still a robot
Decker: j/k... unless...?
V& #39;Ger: no

Spock: just going for a walk outside
Kirk: why
Spock: gonna check out that hole
Kirk: understandable have a nice day

Spock: this shit is wild, I& #39;m gonna meld with it
*several minutes later*
Kirk: how was it
Spock: in a word, mindblowing
Kirk: nice
Spock: I was speaking literally
Kirk: oh

V& #39;Ger: I& #39;ve found the creator
Kirk: that& #39;s earth
V& #39;Ger: it& #39;s not answering, commencing planetary bombardment
Kirk: why?
V& #39;Ger: what part of & #39;waste of space& #39; are you not getting
Kirk: come on that was like three space montages ago

V& #39;Ger: give info
Kirk: no
V& #39;Ger: I destroy
Kirk: well now I& #39;m definitely not helping you
V& #39;Ger: ok, what if I open my hole
Decker: FINALLY

V& #39;Ger: I showed you my hole pls respond
Kirk: ok boys, let& #39;s go
Decker: I& #39;d like to come too
Kirk: yeah I bet

Kirk: V& #39;Ger is Voyager? VOYAGER IS V& #39;GER?
Decker: this thing fell into a black hole 300 years ago
Kirk: so... we& #39;re the creators
V& #39;Ger: the creator must join with V& #39;Ger
Decker: I& #39;ll do it
Kirk: WE KNOW

Bones: it& #39;ll probably kill you
Decker: let me sacrifice myself
Kirk:

Kirk: did we just watch Decker and the Bald Chick make a baby
Spock: the start of a new life form, one that is free to make it& #39;s own destiny
Bones: this is all a bit philosophical for me
Kirk: list Decker as missing in action
Kirk: fuckin told him this was my ship

Latest Threads Unrolled: