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A white woman assumed that I am my kids’ nanny.
We don’t live in an area where people can afford a nanny. She asked if I knew of “others like (me) looking to make a little extra cash”.
She spoke *at* me, loudly and slowly - and this time, I did not smile and let it go.
We don’t live in an area where people can afford a nanny. She asked if I knew of “others like (me) looking to make a little extra cash”.
She spoke *at* me, loudly and slowly - and this time, I did not smile and let it go.
Now that I’m less emotional about it, here are some details.
I found out later that the woman is from Alberta. For those of you who don’t know, Alberta is Canada’s “special” province.
She’s here until February next year, when her husband’s contract is up.
I found out later that the woman is from Alberta. For those of you who don’t know, Alberta is Canada’s “special” province.
She’s here until February next year, when her husband’s contract is up.
I’m usually nice to people who mistake me for the nanny. Benefit of the doubt, you know? Educate, not mock, etc.
This woman, though, was racist and condescending, in front of my kids, asking about their “real Mom” - and I snapped.
I was polite, though. I didn’t raise my voice.
This woman, though, was racist and condescending, in front of my kids, asking about their “real Mom” - and I snapped.
I was polite, though. I didn’t raise my voice.
The kids were observing, so I took a step back, took a breath to calm myself, then told her that she was being racist, and condescending, in assuming that I was the nanny, getting paid less because I’m not white, that women who look like me would be okay with being paid less.
I told her that her choice of words, her tone of voice, and her body language was offensive and aggressive.
I told her that I didn’t appreciate how she talked *at* me and asked questions without letting me answer or get a word in.
I told her that I didn’t appreciate how she talked *at* me and asked questions without letting me answer or get a word in.
I told her that even if I didn’t know the language, talking at me slowly and loudly would not have helped, and was just insulting.
I told her that I didn’t appreciate the fact that my kids had to deal with and process her wilful ignorance - and she got upset with me.
I told her that I didn’t appreciate the fact that my kids had to deal with and process her wilful ignorance - and she got upset with me.
Two parents, both white, had joined us by this time.
One of them crouched down by my kids and said that sometimes people are mean, and don’t like to be corrected, but Mom is doing the right thing.
I am SO grateful that they, as white people, stood by me AND reassured my kids.
One of them crouched down by my kids and said that sometimes people are mean, and don’t like to be corrected, but Mom is doing the right thing.
I am SO grateful that they, as white people, stood by me AND reassured my kids.
The woman was yelling at this point, talking about how I was being disrespectful, and humiliating her in front of her children (who were running around, oblivious, well out of earshot).
I told her that respect is earned, and that she should apologise and/or walk away.
I told her that respect is earned, and that she should apologise and/or walk away.
She stormed off.
Once I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried.
I don’t like confrontation. I have an anxiety disorder, and a history of being abused. I did what I needed to, but it took a lot out of me.
I couldn’t have done it without those two other parents.
Once I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried.
I don’t like confrontation. I have an anxiety disorder, and a history of being abused. I did what I needed to, but it took a lot out of me.
I couldn’t have done it without those two other parents.
I wanted to share this because I want you to know that having two white adults simply stand by me made an incredible difference, and to stress that if you are ever in a position to do that for someone else, you *absolutely* should.
I am so grateful for them.
I am so grateful for them.
This isn’t about the woman - racists are everywhere. This is about the two people who saw something and didn’t want to get involved (which is understandable), but decided to be supportive anyway.
Be those people.
My kids, like all BIPOC kids, need you to be.
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Be those people.
My kids, like all BIPOC kids, need you to be.
