Thread: Acceptance of the Unknown

A pivotal tenant of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is addressing the tendency to jump to conclusions. The reason this phenomenon is so common is because we all take comfort in assurances and perceived control that the best outcome must happen. 1/5

Reckoning with the reality that we can’t control for the unknown is based upon an internal belief that one does not have the capacity to deal with what may happen, therefore reassurances are needed to null that inner conflict regardless if it’s irrational. 2/5

The acceptance point is that we fundamentally can’t know the future and the unknown, however by cultivating self efficacy through a positive appreciation of our engagement and effort along with giving ourselves credit, that acceptance gets easier and easier. 3/5.

Accepting our control and the understanding the difference between preparing and predicting are crucial. Preparing is doing due diligence based on available information, predicting is anticipating possible outcomes which is infinite and goes beyond what we are capable of. 4/5

Cultivating self esteem in areas that we have control over provides us with the resources needed to accept and tolerate not knowing possible scenarios that may or may not happen, while having the confidence to handle an event when or if it happens. 5/5

Next, Wtf is Anxiety?

A common theme I see regarding anxiety in my patients is that it’s difficult to articulate, either because they’re so used to it or they’re operating under a framework where thought avoidance is the “best” strategy.

Anxiety is a conflict between an expectation v. reality, or an insecure fear of an outcome that may be out of ones control. The lack of certainty in a future outcome causes a lot of emotional stress.

Identifying the core conflict or insecurity is one thing, but anxiety escalates by how we interpret our own thoughts. Attempting to rationalize away, distract, and invalidate ourselves pits us against ourselves in an ineffective damaging self battle.

When we accept what is in our control, appreciate our own efforts towards self-growth (and using self affirmation), increasing our confidence helps us accept that changing conflicts are ok.

it’s ok to not know how the future will ultimately unfold.

Next, The Ineffectiveness of Thought Avoidance

A giant source of anxiety and self induced strain is the idea that we have thoughts and feelings that we don’t want to feel.

Understandable, because some thoughts and feelings can be super uncomfortable to handle, so an inclination is to do whatever it takes to avoid, distract, etc.

The inner conflict is the desire to rid oneself of their experiences while they are experiencing it, which by definition leads to a perpetuating discrepancy and strengthens anxiety.

There is a big difference between acknowledgement/acceptance of a thought/feeling and internalizing that same thought and feeling. Acknowledging leads to self validation where we express compassion towards ourselves for having a thought, as thoughts happen, and that’s ok.

Not internalizing is the boundary erected where we have the thought but don’t draw general/rigid conclusions about ourselves based on said thought. Through patience and self compassion that boundary strengthens and that “need” to avoid the thought and feeling decreases.

Journal, engage in emotional expression in creative ways to channel that emotional energy these thoughts/feelings evoke, it’s a good thing not a bad thing

Next, Phobias:

The key issue with phobias are identifying that it’s not that it makes sense for but it’s a highly emotional arousing reaction to a stimulus. A big problem with phobias is the amount of shame associated with a particular stimulus.

The key issue in perpetuating that fear is that self serving emotional cycle of shame. There is no regard in rationalizing or justifying “why” one shouldn’t fear the that object because, the person knows that, no shit.

It’s about approaching the self and stimuli with self patience and compassion. Overcoming phobias is an incremental process where resiliency is used to manage.

The expectation to rid the fear is counterintuitive by nature and self sabotaging. Patience, gentleness, and light exposure at ones pace is how we wrap our minds gently to something that doesn’t have to make sense.

Next, Easy Assumptions:

Use your words and stop assuming shit. Predetermined assumptions placating an already existing narrative leads to ambiguity, false premises, and destructive results to relationships. You can always ask for clarification and give clarification.

Next, Labelling:

One of the biggest obstacles of mental health progression is the concept of labelling and self fulfilling prophecies. Motherfucker, no one can predict the future and past habitual behaviours are never indicative that it will always be that way.

Pidgeonholing yourself based on past behaviours is by definition game over man.

No, we always have control of what we choose to do in the present and though external shit impacts us, our perspectives and potential are not rigidly categorized. Positive responsibility for our actions and choices baby.