to all my children https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💛" title="Gelbes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Gelbes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✨" title="Funken" aria-label="Emoji: Funken">

i cursed you with life
to bless you with love.

***

when I was a kid, I strongly believed that I was a baby chipmunk or a squirrel, stuck in a nightmare where I was suffering as a human child. my childhood wasn& #39;t horrible but I always wondered why I felt little different from my peers.

I never actually woke up from that dream, i& #39;m still a human, sadly.

of my mom& #39;s 10 children (i& #39;m #8), I always wondered why I was born, especially why I was the only one who identified as bisexual.

through all the successes I have experienced over the years, I always felt like I was suffering or simply cursed with the burden of my humanity.

last night, in a flash, I remembered my chipmunk daydream while driving. I pulled over and wrote, "i cursed you with life, to bless you with love."

I think I may have written it in my mother& #39;s voice, and it was the only way I could explain why I exist today - and why she chose to have 10 children.

how intentional, how purposeful, how loving. I wrote that poem in hopes that I would stop wishing that I wasn& #39;t here, that I was somewhere else.

one day, I hope to feel blessed with life, too. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💛" title="Gelbes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Gelbes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✨" title="Funken" aria-label="Emoji: Funken">