Read on Twitter
Alrighty then, apparently it's asexuality education time again because I think there are topics this sex-favourable ace needs to explain (I've done this before but I think I had half the followers then so hi to all my new friends)
Let's talk about sex without attraction.
Let's talk about sex without attraction.
Lots of asexuality activism involves "hey aces can have and enjoy sex" and explaining how attraction differs from desire and libido, etc. But we don't take a lot of time to look at those mechanisms: what makes some asexuals sex repulsed and others positive or indifferent?
The answer is actually very easy to understand from an allosexual perspective.
Take a sec to think about someone you're not sexually attracted to. Maybe they're of a gender to which you don't experience attraction, or maybe they're just not to your taste.
Take a sec to think about someone you're not sexually attracted to. Maybe they're of a gender to which you don't experience attraction, or maybe they're just not to your taste.
Assume you're perfectly indifferent to this person; they neither attract nor repel you sexually, and you have either an indifferent or positive relationship otherwise.
Given safe conditions and no relational consequences, how would you feel about having sex with them?
Given safe conditions and no relational consequences, how would you feel about having sex with them?
You might feel repulsed by that idea. Congratulations! You understand what sex averse asexuals might feel! Regardless of a positive/indifferent relationship, lack of attraction makes it feel uncomfortable to want to engage in sexual behaviours with them.
And that's totally fine!
And that's totally fine!
You might feel okay but not great about that idea. Congratulations! You understand what sex indifferent asexuals might feel! You might feel like you'd have sex with that person if it yielded relational or social advantages, but otherwise could pass.
And that's totally fine!
And that's totally fine!
You might feel like having sex with that person sounds great. Congratulations! You understand what sex favourable asexuals might feel! Regardless of a lack of attraction, sex is fun and feels good and you'd take a safe opportunity when it comes up.
And that's totally fine!
And that's totally fine!
Because, look: it's not just asexual people who have partnered sex despite a lack of sexual attraction. That misconception hurts us, honestly.
Sex workers, depending on what kind of work they do, likely have clients they are not attracted to.
This in no way compromises the legitimacy of that sexual contact.
This in no way compromises the legitimacy of that sexual contact.
Sex with friends is totally fine and good, and does not have attraction as a prerequisite! If you're safe and decide that is an activity that would have positive relational consequences, attraction does not have to be present in one or both (or all) parties.
And you might not understand people who feel differently than you. If you can't fathom having sex with somebody you're not attracted to, it might be difficult to imagine that others might be happy to do so.
But if you can understand that other allosexuals might feel differently than you do about that, then maybe it's not quite so difficult to understand that someone who never experiences that attraction *could possibly* have a different perspective.
Send further questions here, bbs. I'd love to help with understanding if you need it.
All my love (no romo),
Rach
All my love (no romo),
Rach
