Art was a language that I worked hard at growing up because it made me happy and it got me praise. A little bit came naturally, but mostly I practiced hard. 1/

I got surprisingly fluent in college. I gained more context, but my adhd kicked in and I found myself lost with the theory. So I kept practicing because it made the teachers happy and it made me happy to see myself getting better. 2/

But after college got out, I found myself speaking art less and less. People wanted me to speak different languages and so I did. The internet came into fruition & suddenly I discovered there were people not just speaking Art, but singing it into existence & I loved to listen. 3/

I became obsessed with my poor grammar, the way I stumbled through the phrases that used to come easy. My attempts were nice but lackluster in my eyes because the foundation that I failed to grasp was not there supporting my art. 4/

This isn’t a come back story. I’m still struggling to figure out how to get back into this language I love. My design work is my second language and it has aspects of my first language, but it’s not the same. I desperately miss it but my brain is swamped with anxiety. 5/

And “just do it” and “stop making excuses” is what the normies say. If you love it, why isn’t it stimulating? If it makes you happy, why are you so scared? I don’t know. Everyone’s favorite “creative #adhd brain” is confusing and doesn’t seem to help the way I want it to. 6/

This thread is just a brain dump to get all the junk out of my head so maybe there will be space for creative thinks. But it’s also the end of the work day and I’ve only said the Art language equivalent of “I am girl” on my art board. Here’s hoping for adjectives tomorrow. 7/7