My surgery is delayed, so I'm gonna tweet out the weird shit I'm hearing people say.

"Sir, we don't have muffins."
"Then why the fuck am I paying taxes?!"

RN: "I called you by your real name today."
Other RN: "Probably the nicest thing you've called me all week. Anyway, I'm going to go downstairs and get a piece of chicken."

RN: "Don't worry sir, we'll warm you up when we get to the ER."
PT: "You're handsome enough, I'm already warming up."

*OR

"We can't read their mind! Namaste, namaste!"

Also want to note, I haven't been given drugs yet.

"Heather uh...Heather...god that's a weird last name, she's in room two."

I'm Heather in room two.

"God, I need to soak this coffee up with pretzels."

"Eyebrows, bruh. Eyebrows."
-laughter and rapid Tagalog-

"I need the big boy gloves."