choice gu yun moments
- petty, stealing a flute from a child
- tone deaf flute playing
- running thru the military camp to meet chang geng forgetting hes quite literally The commander
- breaking into his own home
- pretending to be deaf when convenient
- picky eater spits up vegs

- the pet mouse he kept around to make sure his food wasnt poisoned and also for entertainment when in prison. and when they released him he brought it out with him
- preferring to have sex blind bc, and i quote, “putting on the monocle Ruins The Vibe and makes me look less sexy”

i will think of more in due time. the book is fucking loaded with gu yun insane moments and i would die for him

- calling himself the “flower of the northwest camp” as in “everyone else is butt ugly and im a sight for sore eyes ”
- wanting to open a makeup store as a backup plan for when he retires from his military duties

- the number of times hes been shown to be EXTREMELY ticklish? he giggles like mad every time chang geng massages him or performs acupuncture
- his vocabulary, a very colorful mixture of childish/vulgar. you can tell he grew up on the battlefield literally no manners or etiquette

- the way he doesnt know how to act around children like hes good with them but hes caught between mentally still being petulant/playful or going full blown disciplinary grandpa
- getting deeply bothered when the emperor’s son called him “grand-uncle” bc it makes him feel old

bringing this back to add
- when he facepalmed upon witnessing his bff around his crush instead of being a supportive wingman
- doubting commander chang geng and then receiving news that chang geng is doing fine and making every guard who witnessed him doubt cg sign an nda

- when his internal monologue went “i mean isnt it normal to kiss and caress your bros? i do it all the time doesnt mean im GAY”
- when he started having vivid recurring nightmares of buddhist monks surrounding him and hypnotizing/indoctrinating him into their temple

- when he could not bring himself to bow to the buddha statue so he nodded at it like “sup” instead
- trying to hide under his bed when he heard that chang geng was coming to see him bc he was on the literal brink of death and had lied and told him he was fine

- when he randomly started kneading and pinching ge chen’s chubby cheeks mid-battle
- picking a little bouquet of osmanthus flowers for chang geng in front of everyone
- calling them chang geng’s “royal buttocks”
- he gives most of his military earnings to widows and children ;-;

- confidently giving shen yi questionable relationship advice as if chang geng didnt do all the work in getting them together
- wearing a frivolous overly-extravagant impractical monocle on the battlefield just because
- becoming chang geng’s personal stylist/fashion adviser

- being so bored in his retirement he becomes obsessed with a personal landscaping renovation project
- pretending to be drunk to distract chang geng while he topples his entire desk over in attempts at destroying a letter he wrote when he thought he was going to die
- silver fox

- when he threatened his own mother’s memorial plaque because chang geng was having dreams with gu yun’s dad in them and he was like “watch your husband, he’s haunting mine”
- putting wine on chang geng’s lips then licking it off of them
- calling chang geng “darling”

- gu “can i offer you a nice egg in this trying time” yun. this literally happens
- the number of times he’s utterly confused and has no idea what’s going on but just goes with the flow
- when he licked??? chang geng’s tears???

- re: above, his idea of sweet words/consolation to chang geng being “darling, come here, i will lick your tears clean” ?
- the whole thing where he long-range shot an escaped tiger (AND the foreigner who caused all the chaos) from the edge of a floating airship while half-blind

- the way he only has a few old housekeepers and asks the kids to please not get angry at them if they’re slow to respond or hard of hearing
- pretending he’s never been involved with black market fuel smuggling and chang geng just being like “sure. your records say otherwise”

- when he captured and interrogated a group of mountain bandits for information and had people make sure chang geng was away the whole time bc he didn’t want him subjected to such harshness/gore and seeing this side of him. he wanted to retain a good image in chang geng’s eyes