Apple event predictions: Everyones airpods will activate, taking control of them and forcing them to buy the latest iPhone.

Prediction: They have a time theme because they've gone back in time to bring Steve Jobs back from the dead.

However they accidently got the wrong Steve and now there's two Steve Balmers. However this is evil alternate reality Balmers who shills for Apple developers.

Prediction: They will announce the hotly anticipated Powebook G5.

Prediction: Marathon series reboot announced by Bungie. Microsoft steals it.

Prediction: Apple's HQ is actually a space ship. They're leaving.

Prediction: Apple watch is getting rid of the ability to tell time.

Tim Cook likes to talk about the people Apple Watch has saved. I however want to know about the people it's killed.

I want them to reveal the secret goldeneye laser feature.

I can't believe the Apple watch caused all these heart attacks.

Oh no the watch was a spaceship!

Apple is going to charge for oxygen now.

I'm worried about telling Tim Cook anything about my blood. He looks like a vampire to me.

SpO2 is pronounced Spoo btw.

Apple watch series 6 confirmed to come with the flu.

The SSSSSS looks cool

Holy shit the Series 6 lets you flyusing the SSSSSS

You can get high with the Apple Watch Series 6

Comic sans watch face confirmed,

I was going to joke that they were going to confirm a literal watch face, but they actually announced two literal watch faces.

New from Apple: Big rubber band. 600 dollars.

You run faster if you wear the nike watch band.
The yarn one gives you grandma powers.

The new apple watch lets you read your child's mind.

If your kid isn't paying attention at school the teacher can use it to administer a powerful electric shock.

Only SSSSS. No good. Get the louder snake.

If you fall with the SE it bills your iCloud account for your life before it calls for help.

Anyone wanna buy a Series 5? I want more S

Also I don't know how much blood I have.

I NEED TO KNOW

Look at all those trees they planted too. Each one was planted with the finest foxconn slave labour.

It's made of pop cans! Defo need one.

God I hate BFR

Buy your own charger, fuck you.

If you wanna buy my Series 5, it no longer comes with a charger.

HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT HER

Heart rate alert. You're dying lol

It only calls for help if it was a bear that chased you off the cliff. All non-bear falls are not covered.

It works in space.

Don't listen to this fitness guy. Only listen to the body break people for fitness advice.

Apple should hire them.

POV: You're an apple watch.

You may be fit, but are you fit+? Didn't think so.

80s workout videos are going to make a comeback

They don't have the world's best trainer's because that's me. I ran like half a kilometer once.

2020 confirmed to a writeoff by apple.

Finally an Apple 1 mini-console. I love Apple basic.

New iPad inbound, throw out your iPad before it's too late.

Anyone want to buy an iPad before Tim Cook fucking destroys it's value in a few minutes?

iPad pro: 4 meter edition.

He's going to reveal that the whole wall behind him is the new iPad and hee's actually very small

It has a brain in it!

It'll tell you you suck at Tenis

New, Apple pen. You can't erase it.

Apple Newton 2

That screenshot is the only place they'll list those features ever, so remember.

You get all the colours if you buy the iPad air

The screen is liquid, you can drink it if you get thirsty.

I'm excited for the AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Bionic

The server rack in that room is where they host wikipedia, the free encyclopedia anyone can edit.

Don't be mean to HP like that.

The iPad can drive a robot

Anyone wanna buy like, a fuckton of lightning cables.

5 Gorgeous color

Give me xCode for iPad you cowards.

Don't expect me to be around tomorrow as my phone will be broken from updating.

Every person in this video was pasteurized.