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How I grew and healed from people pleasing: a thread.
People pleasing stems from wanting the approvals of others and external validation to fulfill their insecurities. This insecurity makes you conform to to other people’s opinion, and expectations. Even when you don’t want to.
You have a hard time saying no to something or disagreeing with the other people even if you don’t like it. This is cause you hope by agreeing to everything others say they’ll like you or accept you.
People pleasing can stem from childhood trauma (mine did always wanting approval of my fathers unrealistic expectations.) Or work environments, friends, family or just being unhappy with yourself. A big key is digging deep down and trying to understand, WHY you people please.
Once you understand that, you can start validating and accepting yourself. Affirming yourself. “I don’t need the approval of my father and others to be happy.” Is what I used to say every morning followed by other things. “I AM enough”. “I am a divine goddess”.
I also came to terms with, people who have an super loud opinion about you and your lifestyle; aren’t happy within themselves and they self project. Meaning their deep rooted insecurities they push on you to conform to reaching them. Because they can’t themselves.
I took a step back and asked myself, Vanessa, look at the world we live in. More and more people are waking up and being who they want to be. Why can’t you? It’ll take the burden off your shoulders or being who everyone else wants you to.
I started doing just that. Validating MYSELF. Unconditionally loving MYSELF. Without NEEDING it from others. Stepping into my power being who I want to be. That’s when my life started improving permanently for the better.
Remove yourself from people who feel the need to be controlling towards your life and choices. From people who feel the need to make you feel little or less than. From those who think you need to follow their rule book to be happy. Including family, friends and even relationships
