"The Zen master holds out a stick and tells his students:

if they say the stick is real, he'll beat them with it." #quote

"He then tells them

he'll also beat them with it

if they say the stick's not real,

or if they just say nothing at all." #quote

"In response, the student steps forward

and breaks the stick.

Now the master can't beat them with it." #quote

"This story perfectly captures the psychology of double binds." #quote

"Abusers present targets with a stick

and ask them how they'd like to be beaten." #quote

"Instead of answering that sadistic question,

targets need to learn to break sticks." #quote

"One of the things that stops target's identifying solutions to double binds

is that they're trained to anticipate what the abuser wants,

in the perpetual false hope that by pleasing the abuser,

they can avoid a negative outcome." #quote

"Preparing deflections to break the abuser's flow

gives you an escape hatch

which you can activate at any time." #quote