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Hey! So I have a gender stereotyping-related question I need some help with. Especially to any parents of young children, it will be good to get a little advice!
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Being a proud parent of both a son & daughter (aged 4 & 2 respectively) I've always tried to avoid gender stereotypes in all aspects of their lives. Hobbies, clothing, work/family roles etc. It's our goal as parents to raise them in a society that is open and free from judgement
So with that in mind, when my children are making choices, everything is up for grabs. There's no such thing as boy clothes, or girl colours, or gendered characters. Just pick whatever they think is cool and it's all good!
Now, my son, he loves video games (I may have played a small part in this) and we regularly co-op Mario or Rayman together on my Switch. More often than not he always chooses female characters. Toadette, Peach or the Princesses in Rayman.
When asked, he always says the female characters in his video games and TV shows are his favourite. He also owns several costumes of these characters which he likes to roleplay with every now and again.
Now, him being 4 I realise it's probably too early to be thinking about what this means in terms of gender identity. I'll continue with an open mind, and to keep an eye on his happiness and mental health, but I'm not going to be jumping on anything trans related at this stage
It may simply be that these characters are indeed objectively the coolest. The Princesses are fully limbed heroes (unlike Rayman!) with golden helmets & giant axes! Toadette, after collecting crowns can transform into a human princess with floating powers. How can Mario compete?
They're having fun, I'm having fun, there is no pressure to conform to gendered choices, and my children are free to explore and enjoy what they like without judgement
Now here comes the frustration. My son started school last week, and was super excited about it. He was to be equipped with his own personal water bottle. We gave him a choice, you can have the green/blue one or the purple one with pink bits on it. Naturally he chose the latter
Great! His favourite colour. Off you go to school then, and enjoy making new friends. It'll be a blast!
This morning, he told his mother that he wanted the green/blue bottle after all. Why? Because all of his friends at school said that his favourite choice, the purple/pink one, is for girls. A girly colour just for girls. FFS
So now he's got the green one. I know, it's a small, minor, inconsequential thing, but he's going to school, leaving his favourite coloured bottle behind because it's "girly". It breaks my heart
What kind of parents drill into their kids at such a young age that certain colours are for boys and certain colours are for girls? What possible benefit is there for a parent to make that kind of distinction?
Of course I couldn't tell my son, I didn't want him to be teased at school for having the "wrong" colour. I'm human after all, and I want him to be happy. It's frustrating AF. It feels like our years of trying to promote a healthy, open mindset about gender was undid in 5 minutes
To other parents out there, how do you deal with situations like this? We're trying our hardest to do the right thing, to create a better society, only to have our efforts come crashing down in the face of ignorance. Am I overthinking it? Thank you for taking the time to read :)
