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FPL STATS OF SHITHOUSERY ππππ πππ‘π
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Who made the opening weekend XI? Who delivered a performance which stank of shit and stale socks? Who do we want out of our teams faster than you can say why the fuck did we have double Saints?
Let's Look.
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Who made the opening weekend XI? Who delivered a performance which stank of shit and stale socks? Who do we want out of our teams faster than you can say why the fuck did we have double Saints?
Let's Look.
Allison β LIV β 6m
3 goals conceded, 0 saves. Yes the defence was largely to blame, but even so a bit of communication wouldnβt have gone amiss. The Pool defence is creaking, and the keeper has to take some responsibility for that.
3 goals conceded, 0 saves. Yes the defence was largely to blame, but even so a bit of communication wouldnβt have gone amiss. The Pool defence is creaking, and the keeper has to take some responsibility for that.
TAA β LIV β 7.5m
A toss up between him and the hapless
VVD, but Trent secures his spot due to showing the spatial awareness of a drunk cyclops. Woefully off the pace and leaving gaps in behind time after time again. He completed just 68% of his passes.
A toss up between him and the hapless
VVD, but Trent secures his spot due to showing the spatial awareness of a drunk cyclops. Woefully off the pace and leaving gaps in behind time after time again. He completed just 68% of his passes.
Odoi β FUL β 4.5m
A hopelessly naΓ―ve defensive showing from Fulham, who look to have learnt nothing from their last @premierleague adventure.
With barely 40 completed passes, zero tackles or blocks and just a solitary header won⦠this was an Odoious performance.
A hopelessly naΓ―ve defensive showing from Fulham, who look to have learnt nothing from their last @premierleague adventure.
With barely 40 completed passes, zero tackles or blocks and just a solitary header won⦠this was an Odoious performance.
Ajayi β WBA β 4.5m
A showing of extraordinary incompetence. The Baggies right back posted up not a single tackle, interception, clearance, block or aerial dual won in a 90 minute display.
It appears he was literally invisible for most of it.
A showing of extraordinary incompetence. The Baggies right back posted up not a single tackle, interception, clearance, block or aerial dual won in a 90 minute display.
It appears he was literally invisible for most of it.
Stephens β SOU β 5m
A return to the dark days here for Jack, whose first half performance bore more resemblance to a lost, crippled sheep than an actual football player. He was lucky to stay on the pitch at half time, in what was essentially an all you can eat buffet for Zaha.
A return to the dark days here for Jack, whose first half performance bore more resemblance to a lost, crippled sheep than an actual football player. He was lucky to stay on the pitch at half time, in what was essentially an all you can eat buffet for Zaha.
Hojbjerg β TOT β 5m
The worst midfielder in the Premier League started in typical fashion following his unconscionable move to Spurs. Like a bull in a china shop, the Dane crashed around hopelessly and left the pitch to felate Mourinho to keep his place for next week.
The worst midfielder in the Premier League started in typical fashion following his unconscionable move to Spurs. Like a bull in a china shop, the Dane crashed around hopelessly and left the pitch to felate Mourinho to keep his place for next week.
Fornals β WHU β 6.5m
Less of a performance and more an occasional outing, Fornals touched the ball just 27 times and did absolutely nothing of note. His heat map looks like my face as a 14 year old.
Less of a performance and more an occasional outing, Fornals touched the ball just 27 times and did absolutely nothing of note. His heat map looks like my face as a 14 year old.
Smallbone β SOU β 4.5m
15 completed passes, no dribbles, no headers, no key passes, no chances created, no shots, no touches in the box, no blocks, no⦠nothing. Probably not the answer is he Hutch? Justice for Adams
15 completed passes, no dribbles, no headers, no key passes, no chances created, no shots, no touches in the box, no blocks, no⦠nothing. Probably not the answer is he Hutch? Justice for Adams
Havertz β CHE β 8.5m
Given his team often countered at will against a very open Brighton, it was mystifying how little involved the Chelsea debutante was.
He didnβt get in the box once, registered a single attempt, was tackled 4 times and played just one key pass all match
Given his team often countered at will against a very open Brighton, it was mystifying how little involved the Chelsea debutante was.
He didnβt get in the box once, registered a single attempt, was tackled 4 times and played just one key pass all match
Robinson β WBA β 5.5m
um⦠what the actual fuck was this?
The guy had a negative xGI for fucks sake. He played up front. How is that even possible. Statistically he could have played this match 100 times over.
And scored a single own goal?
um⦠what the actual fuck was this?
The guy had a negative xGI for fucks sake. He played up front. How is that even possible. Statistically he could have played this match 100 times over.
And scored a single own goal?
Firmino β LIV β 9.5m (is that a typo FPL?)
Oh Bobby⦠when is this home form going to end?
Another desperate effort. No shots on target, no chances created, he even got booked. If Liverpool hadnβt had Salah they would have lost this game. But the teeth keep getting whiterβ¦
Oh Bobby⦠when is this home form going to end?
Another desperate effort. No shots on target, no chances created, he even got booked. If Liverpool hadnβt had Salah they would have lost this game. But the teeth keep getting whiterβ¦
So there you go. If you owned any of these, have a word with yourself... or them. It's their fault really, not yours. I mean Trent isn't even fit is he.
If you owned all of them, it's probably worth deleting your team and starting again...
Happy Hunting.
HM
If you owned all of them, it's probably worth deleting your team and starting again...
Happy Hunting.
HM
