I had a conversation with a friend recently who's TPOC (trans person of color) and I'm honestly really struck by the complexity of discomfort with DDLG/B

Clarification: this friend, who's a trans man of color, is into DDLG/B. Specifically, he seems most comfortable with the Daddy role. And he mentioned how little he shares that with anyone, even his friends, because of the stigma around the term

We both noted that it's increasingly common for people to call their partners "Daddy" and "baby" and implement certain aspects of DDLG/B, but there's also increasing stigma against this kink in particular.

A few things really hit home, but first, I wanna mention another friend who I know is also kinky and also TPOC. I remember having a conversation with them where they (at first) claimed that DDLG/B "perpetuates harmful stuff".

These two friends of mine are also friends with each other. We run in the same circles and I know we all respect each other. But it strikes me that with the first friend, our deep conversation was about internal stuff and what makes us tick.

With the second friend, it was eye-opening for them, because I basically went into depth about my own kinks and trauma and why DDLG/B (amongst other kinks) can actually be healing if that's what you're using it for

I get this thread is a little scatterbrained, but hear me out: I feel like there are three fairly separate schools of thought when it comes to anti-kink thought, which is especially prominent for DDLG/B

The first is that DDLG is not "normal". It's BDSM, it's intense, it's too sexual, whatever. That's the first argument I see from people. It's "gross" because it's "weird".

The second argument, which I see from radfems, claims the exact opposite: that it's TOO normal. Somehow, kink is not a (presumably) safe exploration of trauma, sexuality, and creative expression, but yet another form of empowerment of all that's wrong with our society.

And the third is that DDLG/B, somehow, is just one of those "unacceptable" kinks/fantasies. Like, "BONDAGE is okay, but FURRIES are gross!!" It's "TOO extreme", or "TOO problematic". And then the (genuine) issues of abusers hiding behind BDSM are pointed out.