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Man it's so true. I've always said that my form of salt on my streams isn't entertaining in any way shape or form, and often is more uncomfortable and hard to watch because I take it SO HARD. @Bri4nF articulated that well. It's hard to watch one lose complete faith in themselves.
And I had to do what he said to do: weaponize the salt. Even much more recently, I had a self-reflecting meltdown trying to get to Diamond in SFV. Weirdly, that meltdown helped me get a lot better, but I also figured out how to make it work for my streaming: I muted my stream.
But I kept the camera going. So it became a game of miming what I was pissed about, because I couldn't explain it verbally. So I'm doing finger-people motions of Special Moves and miming frustration, and it actually became a source of humor for me. That helped a lot.
But it's one reason I haven't really been playing as much on stream as I have in the past. It's very hard to be entertaining when you spend your whole life hating yourself and proving what you believe in your mind (that you suck) to the world on stream.
Especially in a world where emotion IS seen as a weakness. People make fun of you for being emotional and it sucks. As a person who has no control over my emotion, it's a hard life I've chosen. And for the unemotional, they don't understand HOW HARD it is to fight these emotions.
But keep in mind I've NEVER treated my own emotions as a fault. I've never gotten mad at myself for being mad. And frankly, I do see my own salt as helping others a lot that, yes, it happens. And while it's hard for my own soul, if I help other people, I'm good with it.
