Mad woman and her partner are standing outside my gates holding candles.

I talked to them, seems they are "bearing witness to the suffering of your dog". As said dog was at that point sleeping off a large breakfast I'm not altogether sure there was much suffering but as I said to them,

"Whatever floats your boat". They then called me a Fascist.

They have started playing drums and chanting. The witch woman has tied some leaves to my gates, it's possible I'm being cursed.

My wife is pulling on her wellington boots, this does not bode well for them.

My wife is currently adding green food dye to the water tank on the jet washer. She has adopted her determined look and has tied her hair up.

I think I see where this is going.

So, mad women now soaking wet AND both bright green from head to toe.

Both women attempted to climb over our gates - big mistake. On the first occasion the jet wash was set to the lower pressure level, this time my wife went to the full 11.

They are screaming with anger. I'm not helping by laughing.

A small crowd has gathered.

Our dog pretty much looks like this

There was another ill advised attempt to climb the gates once again repelled by wife with jet wash.

The mad woman is shouting she is going to sue us, the witch is cursing us with what I think is a chicken bone she had in her pocket. The crowd continues to grow.

Regular readers of my posts will be pleased to know my friend Jules and his wife are among the crowd. He gave me a cheery wave and a thumbs up. He wife blew kisses.

Henri and a Police colleague arrived, mad woman immediately ran up to them and demanded my wife and I are arrested. She pointed to her clothes and screamed,

"I have been violated, I have been assaulted" Henri said,

"Bonjour madame, did you fall in the river?"

She actually stamped her foot, not once but twice and then screamed,

"I have been assaulted by that woman, she attacked me"

"Did you attack this woman" said Henri to my wife

"Non"

"Well that seems clear enough then, I suggest you and you friend go and dry off somewhere"
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"Are you going to do nothing?" she said with incredulity.

"I am going to have lunch madame, that is not nothing" giving her a small salute. The crowd appreciated this and gave Henri a round of applause, regretfully this only antagonised mad women further. She slapped him.

There was a collective intake of breath from the crowd, they are French, they understand the consequences of hitting a Gendarme, they all looked at each other. My wife and I looked at one another, the dog looked at the cat.

The crowd emitted, as one a long low groan of delight.

Henri for a big man can move fast. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her arm behind her back, at this point the witch ran over with a view to intervening but Jules was there with a well placed foot, she tripped and fell into a rather attractive Viburnum bush I have by the gate.

Henri's colleague helped her up but she was not going quietly. Waving her chicken bone she cursed him, us, the crowd and at one point I think President Macron (not sure why). She attempted to kick Henri but his colleague physically lifted her up and carried her to the van.

At this point she was screaming at the crowd (many of whom were filming the scene) that she owned all copyright of images of her according to the "Articles of Confederation". One wag in the crowd shouted,

"Have a good one Kermit"

The first attempt to get them into the police van did not go well. In a scene reminiscent of two leopards being stuffed into a rucksack there was a mad flurry of arms, hair, legs all sprinkled with a light shower of green water however the crowd urged them on....
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... with supportive cries and at one point a spirited rendition of La Marseillaise by a local patriotic farmer. Mad woman did at one point make a minor break out but she was quickly gathered up and the Police Renault Van rocked with their outbursts. The crowd cheered.

With a congratulatory blast of its horn the police van departed. The crowd slowly dispersed and I helped my wife pack away the jet washer. She took my arm as we walked into the house, our dog trotted on next to us.

"Some lunch I think" she said, "and a drink"