Thread by @imsecretlover, Hello, I don't know if anyone will see this, I created this [...]

Hello, I don& #39;t know if anyone will see this, I created this acc to talk about the love life of idols..
when your idol says that they have no time to have a relationship,they’re lying,I’m proof of that.I dated an idol of a famous kpop group, people will not believe me +

but I must expose some truths

my courtship with the idol that I will call "A", was not even close to a perfect relationship as many fans would imagine a relationship with an idol, fans thinks that celebrities are perfect people but in fact many of them are far away from it...

I was an trainee at a big company,we girls are warned about male idols who are too "friendly"with female trainees, we are advised to keep away from them, but they always try to get closer, and I was a fool who believed that I was special for having a handsome boy interested in me

it& #39;s been not so long ago, i& #39;m trying to put together the right words to express myself better, this relationship was the end of my career that haven& #39;t even started, it& #39;s hard for me to talk about it..

when I was a trainee I met an idol that I admired, he was very kind to me, he was always kind to me, he asked us to become close, and I accepted, I felt lucky because someone I admired was interested in me but we didn& #39;t start dating quickly

i know i was wrong, i should have heard what was said to me i shouldn& #39;t have accepted to get closer to him, but i did, maybe i deserve everything that happened after

idols love to say that they don’t have time to date, because this is a good way to not disappoint their fans, but there’s always time to date even when you’re a trainee, I started dating secretly with idol & #39;A& #39; after some time just being friends, it was he who asked me to date him

in the beginning everything was okay, he often gave me expensive gifts which I later found out that he gave me some gifts that he receives from fans, I didn& #39;t like it very much because it made me feel uncomfortable, but when I told him that, he said I was being ungrateful

moreover after a while he proved to be very possessive, he didn’t want me to have contact with other men, but he could talk to other girls and I couldn’t complain about that,if i complained he would be mad,he was my first boyfriend and i thought that was how a relationship worked

"nobody can know about us" he said, not even our friends knew, just two of my closest friends, but i understood, it would be bad for both of us if people find about us... foolish of me to think that he would be thinking about what is good to me!

after a while, he started insisting on the idea that we should do something more than just kiss,honestly I wasn& #39;t interested I was afraid,if I said I didn& #39;t want to,he said I didn& #39;t really love him, but I loved him and didn& #39;t want him to think otherwise,I did everything he wanted

I feel dirty, I felt that after a while I just became a sex toy for him, he didn& #39;t care if I was enjoying it or not, he hurt me physically but said it was normal,so I thought the problem was me
this all happening at the same time that i was going through a bad time in the company

the other trainees were being cruel to me, I don& #39;t know if they already suspected my relationship with & #39;A& #39;, but they loved to joke about my appearance, I started to deprive myself of eating, & #39;A& #39; used to say I was better when I was thinner,

I used to dance without having eaten anything, I danced until I couldn& #39;t stand myself anymore

& #39;A& #39; was always busy at the time of comeback so he rarely answered my messages, I understood that he was busy, but he was never understanding with me when I was busy, I should always reply to his messages right away, if not " the things would get bad for me"

as he always wanted me to be available to him, he started saying that I should give up being a trainee, he said that I had no talent for that and I would not be successful, that I should be free for when he wanted me, he did not like to wait

he said this several times, I was not in a good moment, I was in the beginning of depression and anorexia, not having support from my boyfriend for something I wanted so much, made me very upset.. When I complained he acted aggressively

he said he just wanted what is good for me

he seemed to like seeing me in a bad situation, he encouraged me to go without eating, he said that I would be more beautiful
the desire he had for me to leave the trainee& #39;s life was not long in coming
I was forced to leave the company for health reasons

even after leaving the company, we continued our relationship, he did not hide his happiness because "now I would always be available to him"

I was destroyed and I couldn& #39;t get rid of this relationship
he could be very sweet to me but he was also very aggressive
this is what happens when I say NO to him

my close friend, used to take pictures of my injuries done by him, she said i should break up with him, "i don& #39;t believe you like to be beaten", "he treats you like a wh*re", she said things like that, and i didn& #39;t understand since I thought it was my fault

when I started dating him I was a minor, my first boyfriend, I didn& #39;t know how things worked, I learned the worst way
Do love is like this? That was what i deserved?
everything in my mind said yes

I started this thread the wrong way, but I still have so much to say.
I need to take a deep breath, this is the first time I talk about this openly, it is so hard.
Please read what I said before I don& #39;t want to destroy anyone, in this life I will not be able to win

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