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When I watched my rapist led away after sentencing, it wasn’t the wild celebration people expect it to be.
And it’s taken me 2 years to be game enough to talk about it, because it doesn’t fit into the way I’m supposed to feel.
/1
When I watched my rapist led away after sentencing, it wasn’t the wild celebration people expect it to be.
And it’s taken me 2 years to be game enough to talk about it, because it doesn’t fit into the way I’m supposed to feel.
/1
I wanted to feel happy & satisfied. I thought there might be cheering around me, like in the movies.
I thought maybe other survivors might be waiting outside telling me they felt proud; like I’d seen happen in the news for #LetHerSpeak & the #metoo
movement.
/2
I thought maybe other survivors might be waiting outside telling me they felt proud; like I’d seen happen in the news for #LetHerSpeak & the #metoo
movement./2
But the ACT Supreme Court steps were empty.
Aitchison’s sentencing took all day. By the time we got out ordinary people had left for home.
Canberra news stations cover cafe’s who made caramel freakshakes but not this serial paedophile who had spent 20 yrs raping kids.
/3
Aitchison’s sentencing took all day. By the time we got out ordinary people had left for home.
Canberra news stations cover cafe’s who made caramel freakshakes but not this serial paedophile who had spent 20 yrs raping kids.
/3
I realised while I’d told one set of secrets, who I am was something bigger to keep to myself.
People talk about survivor strength a lot. They say ‘you’re a warrior’ or things about a battle or a fight.
But I’m not that woman. I never was & I don’t think I ever want to be.
/4
People talk about survivor strength a lot. They say ‘you’re a warrior’ or things about a battle or a fight.
But I’m not that woman. I never was & I don’t think I ever want to be.
/4
It’s great if it applies to other survivors; that matters & it’s great if that inspires them.
But, for me, when I watched Aitchison shuffle away with two armed Sheriff’s, I just felt confused.
I didn’t feel strong. Not the kind that fits a convenient narrative, anyway.
/5
But, for me, when I watched Aitchison shuffle away with two armed Sheriff’s, I just felt confused.
I didn’t feel strong. Not the kind that fits a convenient narrative, anyway.
/5
Before it started a barrister said to me, “There’s nothing happy about sentencing. A man is losing his freedom. So just remember that.”
I’ve felt so angry. It wasn’t fair to put so much blame & guilt on me when I have every right to feel proud instead.
/6
I’ve felt so angry. It wasn’t fair to put so much blame & guilt on me when I have every right to feel proud instead.
/6
But I’ll never forget it. I’m not some proud warrior. Defining strong isn’t easy for me. Everything about my rapist is confusing.
Two yrs on, I’m still trying to make sense of all of it. I’m sad, angry & frustrated that I was the one who finally stood up & did this.
/7
Two yrs on, I’m still trying to make sense of all of it. I’m sad, angry & frustrated that I was the one who finally stood up & did this.
/7
I’m happy & proud but ashamed of being part of a society that let this happen. I’m upset & betrayed that I was born & bred a few miles from Parliament House & yet Canberra has wanted nothing to do with me.
There’s no strength in this.
It broke me. It broke my mum.
/8
There’s no strength in this.
It broke me. It broke my mum.
/8
I’m rebuilding myself; but it isn’t as simple & pretty the way most people want it to be.
Mum spent a long time trying to get me to toughen up.
Because the reality was that I was a kid who was as gentle as they come.
Gentle isn’t weak.
/9
Mum spent a long time trying to get me to toughen up.
Because the reality was that I was a kid who was as gentle as they come.
Gentle isn’t weak.
/9
I never argued or disagreed with anyone. I never had many opinions about anything much at all. My favourite thing to say was “I dunno. What do you think?”
I guess what I’m trying to say is...if you jail your rapist, it may not feel the way you hoped.
/10
I guess what I’m trying to say is...if you jail your rapist, it may not feel the way you hoped.
/10
Everything is geared to the process, but no one tells you how you might feel to know that, at last, you are safe - he can’t hurt you anymore.
If the prison sentence seems pathetically inadequate, it’ll fuck with what justice means. It’s like running up a shopping receipt.
/11
If the prison sentence seems pathetically inadequate, it’ll fuck with what justice means. It’s like running up a shopping receipt.
/11
11 months for 1 rape.
15 months for the rape involving ‘violence’.
9 months for a digital assault.
And on & on until you become a block of cheese; a deal where it’s 40% off McCains frozen wedges.
Survivors say I’m lucky. Society says it’s time to put this behind you.
/12
15 months for the rape involving ‘violence’.
9 months for a digital assault.
And on & on until you become a block of cheese; a deal where it’s 40% off McCains frozen wedges.
Survivors say I’m lucky. Society says it’s time to put this behind you.
/12
I want people to know that in 2023, John Philip Aitchison will be eligible for parole.
I don’t know how to stop his release, or how to get society to understand how incredibly dangerous he is to children.
I’ll need a different kind of strength.
/13
I don’t know how to stop his release, or how to get society to understand how incredibly dangerous he is to children.
I’ll need a different kind of strength.
/13
And this is a situation that many victims of crime find themselves in.
This confusion.
A disorientation; can I trust a society that let me down so badly?
Will they ever step up?
I am gentle, I am strong, can I be brave when it really counts.
And will I be alone.
/end
This confusion.
A disorientation; can I trust a society that let me down so badly?
Will they ever step up?
I am gentle, I am strong, can I be brave when it really counts.
And will I be alone.
/end
