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just learned today that anxiety is technically a chronic illness and wow so much makes sense now
like,, the muscles and joints that are constantly in pain from tensing? The tension migraines? The fatigue that follows you constantly? Past the pain, the impact on daily functioning through brain fog and other stress related symptoms????
I’m constantly feeling like my body is failing me, even though I’m able-bodied, because I’m often in mild pain, and I knew that 20+ years of constant fight or flight mode will really wreak havoc on your body, but I hadn’t made the connection to chronic illness
although I don’t feel comfortable taking space in chronic illness communities, it’s incredibly affirming to know that my anxiety really does fuck me up lmao
this thread brought to you by my heels, hips, knees, and lower back killing me all day today! To the point I had to stay sitting the last few hours of the day bc 12 hours of working on my feet and my body was Not Having It
also,,, I’m in bed and I finally get to sleep, but I can’t stop bouncing my leg bc my Anxious Brain
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="™️" title="Registered-Trade-Mark-Symbol" aria-label="Emoji: Registered-Trade-Mark-Symbol"> says bad things will happen if I stop but my legs are so tired pls brain let me rest
love that my body can be literally screaming at me to stop and my brain is like”go fast. one speed only and that speed is fast go go go” no wonder I’ve had points where my body literally just stops functioning lmao I put it through so much shit
anyway gonna actually sleep now to try to treat my body better. goals tomorrow include treating myself with kindness bc my brain is hardwired to give myself a hard time so I need to make an extra effort to combat that
random extra thought: I’ve been beating myself up about how I’m too young/able bodied to be in so much pain or to be so fatigued and I’m literally crying now from the relief of realizing I don’t need to be invalidating myself like that
like holy shit the emotional release of accepting your pain??? Letting yourself exist in the world the way your existing an meeting yourself where you’re at? Whew I am Going Through It rn y’all
I know this thread is way too long and no one cares but like I’m legit crying in bed bc my legs feel like they’re gonna fall off and that’s okay. Like there’s a reason and I’m not faking and just like,,, I can just exist without the extra burden of punishing myself for it
I’m just gonna email my therapist this thread for this week’s session lmao I guess I’ve got some stuff to work through. She’s gonna be like “damn em you’re so reflective” and I’ll be like “thanks I do it bc I live for affirmation from ppl I respect, including you”
jk I’ve always been this ridiculously self-analytical it came free with the anxiety. i’ve also always been this annoying about my realizations it came free with my need to say every thought for fear that if I shut up ppl will realize I’m actually not worth much
I don’t have anything funny and lighthearted to end this thread with, just like... mental health y’all. Check in on your friends, make them feel wanted. Guarantee the text will make their day, even if they don’t respond.
