Oh for fuck’s sake. Here I will give you four Houses at Bongo’s Clowncademy of Circus Arts to identify choose from if you need something to make up for droppingones made up by a transphobic jerk

We have a Sorting Head not a Sorting Hat

First up is House Gladsnake.

This is the house for smart sneaky punks. You wear your hair wild and always at dyed at least two clashing colors. You fight the system and the system loves you for it. Your juggling is unmatched.

Next we have House Firebreath.

Nobody is more loyal, more of a rock for their friends, more attuned to the proper application of the giant mallet. When trouble comes, your friends always want a Firebreath in the nearest stormdrain. Firebreaths are the backbone of society.

(By the way there are no evil clown houses. Clown houses kick the goddamn rotten apples into the Gorge of the Golden Chicken before they spoil the bunch.)

OK here’s House Slappy.

Someone once said House Slappy got its name from its members short tempers. That dude got SLAPPED. No one tells you who you are. You gotta make your own way in this world, from the third ring to the caboose office. Slappys. Get. Shit. Done.

Finally we have House Chevrolet. You have a two-story painting of Springsteen in a clown wig in your house’s common room. You’re going to change the world, cause nobody’s gonna change it for you. Get in the clown car. We’re racing in the streets tonight.